Sea Breeze 01 - Breathe

muttered.
    Amanda moved my hand from my face and she wiped my tears with a cold wet paper towel. “You need to get a grip on yourself. If everyone thinks they can get to you by showing you pictures of Jax with other girls, you’re going to get hammered by them.”
    I walked over to the discarded magazine and picked it up against my better judgment. There on the page in front of me was Jax at the Teen Choice Awards, and on his arm was a gorgeous blonde with curly hair. I inhaled deeply and sank down against the wall.
    “Dang it, Sadie, what’re you looking at it for?” Amanda went to take it from me, but I shook my head and held on to it firmly.
    “No, let me read it.” I knew the stuff they wrote in these things wasn’t true, but I somehow wanted to hurt myself further.
    “No!” Amanda said firmly, and jerked it out of my hands. I let it go. She flipped it over. “Sheesh, at least your curls are natural,” she said before throwing the magazine in the garbage.
    I closed my eyes against the pain and sat on the floor. The dark blanket seemed to be coming for me, and I knew I was going to have to fight harder to keep it from getting me. There was peace in the blankness, but then I wouldn’t be able to take care of Sam if I went into it, and Sam needed me. I shook my head and stood up quickly before it reached me. I focused on my reflection in the mirror and calmed my features until the haunted look left my eyes. Amanda came up behind me and took my arm.
    “It was just a publicity picture,” she said quietly.
    I nodded because she was right. Seeing the picture of him with the girl hadn’t been as hard as seeing him so happy in it. I wanted to be happy too. He could be happy—why couldn’t I? Because I’d been the one to love too much. It would just take me longer than him to smile so brightly. I needed to work on it. Thinking about those around me who did love me needed to be where I started. And then there was Sam, who needed me. I had to learn to be strong. Once, I had believed I was very strong. Now I had to find that me again.

Chapter Nineteen
    JAX
    “People are talking. It won’t be long before the media gets ahold of it too. Either you’re gonna have to snap out of this funk, or just go back to Alabama and get her. I don’t see how this is any better than the alternatives.” Jason was sitting across from me in the limo, frowning.
    I hadn’t been in the best of moods the past two months. If it was possible, I was getting worse. Today I’d been supposed to film my new music video for ‘Don’t Cry’ and I hadn’t been able to do it. I’d been so frustrated with the blonde they’d picked for the video and her not being Sadie, I’d walked off set and told them all to fuck themselves. I wasn’t in the mood.
    “You’re a rock star. You can get away with acting like an ass. But, bro, you’re gonna have to give a little. Go get Sadie back. Get some of that lovin’ you apparently need, and then get your act together. If the media thinks you’re heartbroken over her, they will eat her alive. You don’t want that.”
    He was right. I couldn’t keep doing this. I didn’t want Sadie to deal with any more shit. I was going to have to show the world I was over Sadie, and I had moved on. They had no reason to still follow her or talk bad about her. If they thought she had broken my heart then they would eat her alive. I couldn’t allow it. I wouldn’t. The problem was, how the hell was I gonna be able to pretend I wasn’t completely shattered?
    SADIE
    September would be over in a week, and I knew running on empty fumes would soon catch up with me. My grades were suffering because staying awake throughout class had become impossible. Sam still kept me up all night, with what Ms. Mary said was probably colic. She told me that other than giving him gas medicine, I just had to help him through it. Jessica continued to get more and more withdrawn to the point where I called her from school to check on Sam and make sure she remembered to feed him. Several evenings when I’d come home, he had gone without a diaper change so long a rash had developed. Each time, I cleaned him up and applied the cream I’d found at the pharmacy. I attempted to explain to Jessica that this was not good for him, but she didn’t seem to hear me. Sam needed her. I couldn’t get her to wake up and face the fact that she had a baby now.
    Sam only had me, and I needed to toughen up because I couldn’t come crashing