Shadow of the giant

But I did what I had to
do. So don't tell me I don't know how hard this is."
    "You had no choice," said Petra. "But I could
go with him. We could take all the children and—"
    "Petra," said Bean. "If we had conjoined
twins, we'd separate them. Even if one of them was sure to die, we'd separate
them, so that at least one of them could lead a normal life."
    Petra's tears were out of control now. Yes, she understood
his reasoning. The children without the syndrome could have a normal life on
Earth. Why should they spend their childhood confined to a starship, when they
could have the normal chance of happiness?
    "Why couldn't you at least let me be part of the
decision?" said Petra, when she finally got control of her voice.
"Why did you cut me out? Did you think I wouldn't understand?"
    "I was selfish," said Bean. "I didn't want to
spend our last months together arguing about it. I didn't want you to be
grieving for me and Ender and Bella the whole time you were with us. I wanted
to take these past few months with me when I go. It was my last wish, and I
knew you'd grant it to me, but the only way I could have that wish is if you
didn't know. So now, Petra, I ask you. Let me have these months without you
knowing what was going to happen."
    "You already have them. You stole them!"
    "Yes, so now I ask you. Please. Let me have them. Let
me know that you forgive me for it. That you give them to me freely, now, after
the fact."
    Petra couldn't forgive him. Not now. Not yet.
    But there was no later.
    She buried her face in his chest and held him and wept.
    While she cried, Rackham spoke on, calmly. "Only a
handful of us know what's really happening. And on Earth, outside of the I.F.,
only Peter will know. Is that clear? So this divorce document is absolutely
secret. As far as anyone else will know, Bean is not in space, he died in the
raid on Tehran. And he took no babies with him. There were never more than
five. And two of the normal babies that we've recovered are also named Andrew
and Bella. As far as anyone knows, you will still have all the children you
ever did."
    Petra pulled back from her embrace of Bean and glared
savagely at Rackham. "You mean you're not even going to let me grieve for
my babies? No one will know what I've lost except you and Peter Wiggin?"
    "Your parents," said Rackham, "have seen Ender
and Bella. It's your choice whether to tell them the truth, or to stay away
from them until enough time has passed that they can't tell that there's been a
change."
    "Then I'll tell them."
    "Think about it first," said Rackham. "It's a
heavy burden."
    "Don't presume to teach me how to love my
parents," said Petra. "You know and I know that at every point in
this you've decided solely on the basis of what's good for the Ministry of
Colonization and the International Fleet."
    "We'd like to think we've found the solution that's
best for everyone."
    "I'm supposed to have a funeral for my husband, when I
know he's not dead, and that's best for me?"
    "I will be dead," said Bean, "for all intents
and purposes. Gone and never coming back. And you'll have children to raise."
    "And yes, Petra," said Rackham, "there is a
wider consideration. Your husband is already a legendary figure. If it's known
that he's still alive, then everything Peter does will be ascribed to him.
There'll be legends about how he's going to return. About how the most
brilliant graduate of Battle School really planned out everything Peter
did."
    "This is about Peter?"
    "This is about trying to get the world put together
peacefully, permanently. This is about abolishing nations and the wars that
just won't stop as long as people can pin their hopes on great heroes."
    "Then you should send me away, too, or tell people I'm
dead. I was in Ender's Jeesh."
    "Petra, you chose your path. You married. You had
children. Bean's children. You decided that's what you wanted more than
anything else. We've respected that. You have Bean's children. And you've had
Bean almost as long as you would have had him if we had never intervened.
Because he's dying. Our best guess is that he wouldn't make it another six
months without going out into space and living weightlessly. We've done
everything according to your choice."
    "It's true that they didn't actually requisition our
babies," Bean said.
    "So live with your choices, Petra," said Rackham.
"Raise these babies. And help us do what we can to help Peter save the
world from itself. The story of Bean's heroic death in