Shadow of the giant

whenever we want.
The thing is, nothing's going to happen here, so I'll have nothing to tell you.
And nothing you have to tell me is going to matter to me all that much, the
farther I get from Earth. So this is the right time for these valedictories.
     
    I hope Peter succeeds in uniting the world in peace I
believe he's still got a couple of big wars ahead of him.
     
    I hope Petra remarries. When she asks you what you think,
tell her I said this: I want my children to have a father in their lives. Not
some absent legend of a father—a real one. So as long as she chooses somebody
who'll love them and tell them they've done ok, then do it. Be happy.
     
    I hope you live to see colonies established and the human
race thriving on other worlds. It's a good dream.
     
    I hope these crippled children I have with me find something
interesting to do with their lives after I'm dead.
     
    I hope Sister Carlotta and Poke are there to meet me when I
die. Sister Carlotta can tell me I told you so. And I can tell them both how sorry
I am that I couldn't save their lives, after all the trouble they went to, to
save mine.
     
    Enough. Time to switch on the gravity regulator and get this
boat out to sea.
     
    From: Graff%[email protected]
    To: Bean@Whereverthehelliam
    Re: You did enough
     
    You did enough, Bean. You only had a little time, and you
sacrificed so much of it to helping Peter and me and Mazer. All that time that
could have belonged to Petra and you and your babies. You did enough. Peter can
take it from here.
     
    As for all that God business—I don't think the real God has
as bad a track record as you think. Sure, a lot of people have terrible lives,
by some measure. But I can't think of anybody who's had it tougher than you.
And look what you've become. You don't want to give God the credit because you
don't think he exists. But if you're going to blame him for all the crap, kid,
you got to give him credit for what grows from that fertilized soil.
     
    What you said about Petra getting a real father for your
kids. I know you weren't talking about yourself. But I have to say it, because
it's true, and you deserve to hear it.
     
    Bean, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of myself because I
actually got to know you. I remember sitting there after you figured out what
was really going on in the war against the Buggers. What do I do with this kid?
We can't keep a secret from him.
     
    What I decided was: I'll trust him.
     
    You lived up to my trust. You exceeded it. You're a great
soul. I looked up to you long before you got so tall.
     
    You did ok.
     
     
    The plebiscite was over in Russia and it joined the FPE. The
Muslim League was broken up and the most belligerent nations had been subdued,
for now. Armenia was safe.
    Petra sent her army home on the same civilian trains that
had brought them to Moscow.
    It had taken a year.
    During that time she missed her babies. But she couldn't
bear to see them. She refused to let them be brought to her. She refused to
take even a brief leave to see them.
    Because she knew that when she came home, there would only
be five of them. And the two she knew the best and therefore loved the best
would not be there.
    Because she knew that she would have to face the rest of her
life without Bean.
    So she kept herself busy—and there was no shortage of
important work to do. She told herself—next week I'll take a leave and go home.
    Then her father came to her and bulled his way past the
aides and clerks that fenced her off from the outside world. Truth to tell,
they were probably glad to see him and let him through. Because Petra was hell
on wheels and terrified everybody around her.
    Father came to her with an attitude of steel. "Get out
of here," he said.
    "What are you talking about?"
    "Your mother and I lost half your childhood because
they took you away. You're cheating yourself out of some of the sweetest time
in the lives of your children. Why? What are you afraid of? The great soldier,
and babies terrify you?"
    "I don't want this conversation," she said.
"I'm an adult. I make my own decisions."
    "You don't grow out of being my daughter." Father
said. Then he loomed over her, and for a moment she had a childish fear that he
was going to ... to ... spank her.
    All he did was put his arms around her and hug her. Tight.
    "You're suffocating me, Papa."
    "Then it's working."
    "I mean it."
    "If you have breath to argue with me, then I'm not
done."
    She laughed.
    He let her out of the