Shadows of the Workhouse

doctors talking about a third. In psychiatric circles Sir Lorimer, a mere psychologist, was regarded as a pompous old windbag and a chancer, who fuelled the tank of his Rolls-Royce with the blood of rich old ladies.
    Oozing opulence, Sir Lorimer entered Nonnatus House and was taken to Sister Monica Joan’s room. He kissed her hand and called her “dear reverend lady”.
    She murmured, “What a relief to meet a mature gentleman of experience and understanding.”
    He kissed her hand a second time, whispering: “I understand everything, dear lady, everything.”
    She sighed and smiled: “I am sure you do, Sir Lorimer, quite sure.”
    Later that day, just before Compline, I asked Sister Monica Joan if she liked Sir Lorimer.
    She was sitting comfortably by the window knitting. Her face assumed a bright, plastic smile as she cooed, “He is charming, my dear, perfectly charming -” the smile vanished, and a hard edge entered her voice – “and determined to be so.”
    Sir Lorimer’s report was very long and technically complex. For the benefit of the lay reader who is unfamiliar with medical terminology, I have attempted to summarise and simplify it. The report stated:
    Sister Monica Joan is a lady of the Leptosomatic type with a nervous affinity to the Cyclothymic make-up on the one hand and a tendency to Catatonic excitement on the other. Neologism and Disconnection, though slight, could not be discounted. Whereas elucidation of the former may throw light upon the latter, comprehension of the latter seldom throws light upon the former, from which it may be deduced that individual psychological symptomatology must be sought in personal biography. The Korsakaw Psychosis of Registration, Retention and Recall is important. A link between Retrograde Amnesia is consistent with the facility, richness and rapidity of association. Whilst Depersonalisation is not a factor, Derealisation is and Catatonic symptoms are not evidence of Catatonia, though significant to the trained mind. Kleptomania is consistent in Cyclothymic behaviour, but inconsistent with Leptosomatic tendencies.
    Although they could not understand it, Counsel for the Defence and the Sisters were very impressed by this report.

    The trial of Sister Monica Joan at the London Quarter Sessions attracted much attention. The public gallery was full. Many costers, and several jewellers from Hatton Garden, were present. Several older women, who remembered the accused as a young midwife and who owed their lives to her, had come out of sympathy. The press gallery was full. A shoplifting nun was good news to a hard-bitten reporter.
    Sister Monica Joan sat in the dock. She was knitting quietly and seemed completely unconcerned with what was going on around her. Sister Julienne sat beside her, and attended throughout.
    The usher entered.
    “Silence in Court,” he shouted. “Be upstanding for His Lordship.”
    Everyone rose to their feet – everyone, that is, except Sister Monica Joan, who remained seated. “Stand for His Lordship,” shouted the usher.
    There was no movement from Sister Monica Joan. The usher moved towards her, banged the floor with his staff and shouted louder.
    Sister Monica Joan gave a surprised little squeak. “Are you addressing me, young man?”
    “I am.”
    “Then let it be known that I will not be addressed in this rude fashion.”
    “Be upstanding for His Lordship,” shouted the usher.
    “Did your mother never teach you to say, ‘please’, young man?”
    The usher swallowed hard and banged his staff down on the floor a second time. Sister Monica Joan sat immobile, her beautiful eyes half-closed, her lips pursed in disdain.
    “Please stand up, madam.” whispered the usher.
    “That’s better. That is much better. Courtesy is a virtue and costs nothing. I am sure your mother would be proud of you.” Sister Monica Joan leaned forward, patted him kindly on the shoulder and rose to her feet.
    Cheers from the public gallery.
    “Be silent for His Lordship,” screamed the usher, striving to restore his authority.
    The judge entered, mumbled, “Please be seated,” and everyone sat down, including Sister Monica Joan.
    Counsel for the Prosecution addressed the jury. He outlined the facts as they were known and said that he would call as witnesses three jewellers from Hatton Garden who had lost jewellery, and eight costers who had lost sundry items from their stalls. He would also call a psychiatrist, who had examined the accused