Shadows of the Workhouse

only cost a shillin’, an’ it just didn’t seem worthwhile to make a fuss. I jus’ thought to meself – poor ole girl, she’s goin’ off ’er rocker – an left it; but when I heard from the other costers that she’d been pinchin’ things left, right and centre, I decided to go in wiv them an’ go to the police. After all, we got a livin’ to earn, an’ thievin’ is thievin’ whoever ’s doin’ it. We can’t afford ’a be sentimental.”
    Five other costers told similar stories reporting the thefts of sundry items they had seen Sister Monica Joan take. Lastly, the coster who had instigated the proceedings in the first place was called. He told the court that he had seen Sister Monica Joan take a child’s bangle from his stall and hide it under her scapular. When he had challenged her, she had flung the bangle across the stall and stalked off. Five people were called to the witness box, each one declaring under oath that he or she had witnessed this scene.
    Things looked black for Sister Monica Joan, but she appeared completely unconcerned, as though the proceedings had nothing to do with her. She was knitting quietly, occasionally counting her stitches and noting them down on her knitting card. She would smile serenely at Sister Julienne who, in contrast, was in a state of real anguish.
    The day’s proceedings ended and the judge adjourned the court until ten o’clock the following morning.

    On the second day, Counsel for the Prosecution called the psychiatrist to the witness box. She stated that she had examined Sister Monica Joan and could find nothing suggestive of senility or mental deterioration. On the contrary, she found Sister to be exceedingly quick and accurate in her responses. Her memory was good and she had a clear perception of right and wrong. In conclusion, the psychiatrist stated that, on the balance of medical evidence, Sister Monica Joan knew what she was doing and was responsible for her actions.
    The general practitioner was less positive. He agreed with everything that his colleague had said but nevertheless had a feeling that something was amiss. He doubted if Sister Monica Joan could really be held responsible for her actions although he was unable to say exactly why. In conclusion, he said that the court should prefer the evidence of the specialists. He sat down next to the psychiatrist.
    Sir Lorimer Elliott-Bartram was called to the witness box. Sister Monica Joan looked up from her knitting, caught his eye and gave him one of her ravishing smiles, then lowered her eyes demurely.
    Counsel for the Defence asked the first question. “From your examination of Sister Monica Joan, would you say she is of sound mind?”
    Sir Lorimer paused for a long time before speaking. His pause was calculated for maximum effect. The jury was impressed and leaned forward attentively.
    “That is an interesting question and one to which I have given much thought over the years. On mature reflection, and after a lifetime of experience, with reference to Smellingworthy and Schmitzelburg on the subject and not forgetting the work of Crakenbaker, Corensky and Kokenbul as published in The Lancet , I have come to the conclusion that the sound mind is a figment of the imagination.”
    “What on earth is he on about?” whispered the general practitioner.
    “He is making, it up as he goes along,” the psychiatrist murmured.
    “Silence in court!” warned the judge. “For the benefit of the jury, Sir Lorimer, please elucidate. A figment of the imagination, you say.”
    “Indeed I do. Which of us can contemplate his friend and say: ‘He is of sound mind,’ gentlemen of the jury? Which of us can gaze upon the wife of his bosom and say: ‘Her mind is sound?’”
    The jury took notes and shook their heads.
    Counsel for the Defence continued. “Perhaps then you would say that the accused suffers from senile dementia?”
    “Most certainly not,” said Sir Lorimer indignantly. He was old himself and senility or senile dementia were words that he never used.
    “I have heard the evidence of the psychiatrist and would point out that normal sensory perception is far from being an objective picture of reality, but is conditioned and modified by many personal factors both sensory and extrasensory. In my opinion, psychiatrists make the problems that are to be solved.”
    “Could you enlarge upon that, Sir Lorimer?”
    “Certainly. Psychiatrists need to earn a living like everyone else. A similar