Shatner Rules

aren’t setting their sights on the sofa.
    That’s
how I do it.

Shatner Gets Serious
    As for the final mission of the Space Shuttle
Discovery
, I was honored that my voice was chosen to wake up the crew on their last day in space. My voice was with them, and so was my heart. I believe the space program fills many niches in humanity’s psyche, but most important, it waves a banner to mankind that reads, “Look beyond yourself; look to the future; look to what we can do as human beings.”
    Mindfulness is about the desire to reach beyond our ability to grasp. When monkeys did that, they fell to the ground because they couldn’t reach that limb. As a result, they had to walk and as a result, we are bipedal (most of us) and here we are. In reaching for the stars, the ingenuity of man, the requisite teamwork of all mankind, is called upon.
    Although honestly, I could use a team to help me through some of these busy, busy days. Send a résumé if you’re a hard worker.

RULE: Working as Shatner’s Assistant Is Its Own Reward. No Payment Should Be Requested as None Will Be Given. Be Mindful of That.

RULES FOR TURNING 80
    T his year, 2011, marks my eightieth year. Throughout this book, I will offer up special rules that you will need to follow if you plan on becoming an octogenarian—one with grace, wit, and swagger (fake hip permitting).
FIRST RULE FOR TURNING EIGHTY: Just Smile. You’re Lucky You Made It.
    Elizabeth and I were at the airport recently, getting ready for our trip to Australia, where I was to appear in a one-man show titled
Kirk, Crane and Beyond: William Shatner Live
. Or at least “semi-live,” depending on how bad the jet lag was going to hit me.
    Australia would be one of my favorite places on Earth, if not for the fact that it’s located all the way the hell in Australia. Seriously, it takes about a day to get there, and you usually “lose” a day in the process. And whenever I travel there, some passenger invariably makes some crack to me about warp speed or something, so on the flight I like to keep my nose buried in as many time-consuming activities as possible. Time does not fly when flying to Australia.
    I went to the terminal’s newspaper/candy/souvenir shop to browse the selection of hour-erasing magazines, crossword puzzles, playing cards, books, and “natural” sleep aids, most of which prefer the advertising power of the word “natural” over “ineffective.”
    After having stuffed several magazines and Sudoku collections under my arms, I proceeded to the gentleman behind the counter, who rang up my items. I scoured the celebrity magazines, hoping to maybe see a celebrity. Weren’t Kardashians something I used to fight?
    The clerk calculated the total, and I plopped down a credit card. He looked at the name on the card, looked at me, back at the card, and at me again. I was wearing a wide-brimmed, floppy hat.
    “Is this you?” he asked.
    “Uh huh,” I responded.
    “Seriously?”
    “Yes, I am always serious about me.”
    He took a look at the card again, and peered into my visage, and said, “My. How time flies.”
    I’ve been told—I don’t remember it—that when I turned forty, I stayed in bed for three days. And not three days in bed in a good way. Getting old is not easy, especially when you’re someone whose face is accessible to so many at all times. But . . .
    I just smiled at this clerk. When you’re an actor, as long as they still recognize the face, that’s an achievement. Life is good, career is good, love is good. That’s all that matters to me.
    Time
does
fly, and it’s all good as long as your attitude is flying first class.
    (I can probably find you a good deal on the first-class ticket, by the way.)

CHAPTER 4
RULE: Go West, Young Man. And Leave the Map at Home.
    E lizabeth and I recently pulled into our driveway after a weeklong drive from our home in Kentucky, with a stop in her home state of Indiana, and then on to Los Angeles. I shut off the car, and she turned to me and said, “Let’s turn around and get lost again.”
    And I would have too, if not for the stringent deadlines of a certain fifty-thousand-word rule book/memoir. (We are right now at word 6,471. God knows where we’d be if I’d listened to my wife!)
    We traveled nearly four thousand miles and had such a joyous time that we never even once turned on the radio. We just sat beside one another and talked, and shared, and experienced. And if we got lonely for our typical