Silence Of The Hams

Mike’s job.“ She glanced at her watch and suddenly stood up. “I’ve got to go.“
    “Where?“
    “To drop Katie off, then help decorate the school for the big graduation party tonight. Katie—!”

    Several years earlier, after three tragic graduation night accidents, the high school PTA had decided to accept the fact that the new graduates would stay up and party all night the evening of graduation, and it was better to provide them a place than to let them roam around in vehicles. From a modest beginning, the PTA-sponsored party had assumed gigantic proportions.
    There were three bands and dance floors: romantic, country, and hard rock. These were real bands, hired professionals, most of whom were persuaded to work for free or at least reduce their rates for the good cause of keeping the teens alive. There were also “restaurants“ set up. The kids could eat and indulge in soft drinks all night long if they had the stomach for it. The decor for the dances and the restaurants was stunning, and the wealthier parents had been known to spend outrageous sums to one-up one another in decorating their assigned areas. There were movie rooms, where videos played endlessly; a fashion show for the girls; and an area where the boys who were a bit behind in their hormonal development and would rather play basketball than mess about with girls could do so.
    But the centerpiece of the graduation night festivities was the casino. Real casino equipment, slot machines, roulette wheels, and all the other appurtenances were rented and set up along the main hallways. But instead of actual money, the kids were issued a set amount of fake money with which to play.
    During the year the PTA’s primary activity was soliciting prizes to be given by drawing or purchased with fake gambling proceeds. A strict and highly complex computerized system had been developed and honed to make sure that every student got one and only one prize, but some of them were doozies. This year there were five televisions, two computer-printer combinations and a laptop, a half dozen airline vouchers, numerous fancy telephones, little dorm room–sized refrigerators, CD players, wireless speakers and headphones, concert tickets, camping gear, exercise equipment, and clothing. In addition, there were hundreds of gift certificates for gasoline, dress shops, office supply stores, restaurants, music stores, and software stores. Students’ names were entered only for those prizes they were interested in, so everybody was sure to end up with something he or she wanted.
    Jane, as the mother of three kids in the school district, wasn’t expected to take a big role in the process for the first child. The PTA philosophy was that if you worked first-timers to death, you’d never get them back. So her assignment was to help with the decorating of the casino/hallways. She’d also have to stay up all night as a door guard to keep the kids from wandering off. That was the part she was dreading, not having actually stayed up all night since the night Todd was born—and not by choice then. The nurses had claimed she was the only maternity patient they’d ever had who thought sleeping through labor was an achievable goal.
    When Jane arrived at the school, a few minutes after nine, it appeared to be a madhouse. The building swarmed with parents; a caravan of large trucks was unloading tables, chairs, and sound system gear. The one person who didn’t seem to be frantic was Patsy Mallett, the amazing woman who oversaw the whole operation. Jane caught sight of her, sailing serenely through the chaos.
    Jane reported to the head of the casino committee and was given a stepladder and a trolley that was stacked high with dark fabric, tacks, a hammer, and a box full of large cardboard-and-glitter stars and moons.
    “Start to the south of the main door, overlap the fabric exactly two inches along the ceiling molding, and put two stars and moon on each section,“ were the curt orders she was given by a woman so over organized, she made Shelley seem like an aimless slob.
    Jane did as she was told, and was just ready to climb down from her ladder and admire her first section of work, when she looked down and recognized the top of Mel’s head. He stood just inside the door, notebook in hand.
    “Mel, we have to stop meeting this way,“ she said.

6

    “This is taking the prize for my most tedious investigation,“ Mel complained two hours later. He’d been roaming around