Silence Of The Hams

cards printed up that she puts under the windshield wipers of people like that. The card says: ‘The handicap is mental, I assume.’ “
    “We must have some of those made up!“ Jane exclaimed. “If we can’t shop, we’ll have to eat, I guess.“
    “Sad but true. Where?“
    “The new deli would be great, but we couldn’t talk freely there. How about that little salad shop next to the mall?”
    When they were seated at a table at the back of the salad shop, Jane said, “I have a real treat for you. A gift from the gods. You know who Patsy Mallett is?“
    “Of course. The amazing woman who runs the graduation party.“
    “Yes, the gift is from her. But I’m afraid there’s a bit of a price.“
    “What kind of a gift comes with a price?“ Shelley said, studying the menu.
    “Most gifts, I’ve found,“ Jane commented. “Anyway, here it is—“ She told Shelley the Henry-VIII-and-his-paired-ambassadors theory of committee management.
    Shelley was so stunned that she just looked blankly at the waitress when she arrived at the tail end of the explanation.
    “What’ll you have?“ the young woman said.
    “I—I don’t know. Anything,“ Shelley said.
    “She’ll have the chicken Caesar, extra Parmesan,“ Jane said, “and I’ll have the taco salad, no guacamole.“
    “Jane, this is wonderful! A real forehead slapper. So that’s how she accomplishes so much and keeps tabs on everything. Wow! I can’t wait to try this out. I need to sit at this woman’s feet—“
    “That’s the payoff part. You’re going to. I volunteered us to work on next year’s graduation. You choose the committee. She’s calling me Monday to set up a time for us to meet her and talk about it.“
    “It’ll be worth it. How’d she happen to tell you this?“
    “She wanted me to pass something along to Mel. About Emma Weyrich. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Quit rubbing your hands together that way about the Domineering Woman’s Guide to Bossing People Around and listen to me.“
    “Okay, okay. I’m with you.“
    “When the graduation ceremony was over, Emma Weyrich made a point of grabbing me and saying she wanted to talk to me.“
    “What about?“
    “She wouldn’t say. All very hush-hush. I said I was sorry about her boss dying and she just brushed it off, which I thought was strange then. Anyway, I didn’t know then- and I’m certain she didn’t either—that Stonecipher had died of a heart attack. I thought later that she might have wanted to talk about someone she suspected of killing him. Either that, or she was trying to beat us into shaping up again. She was real rude and abrupt and told me to come to her apartment at four o’clock today, just like it was a dental appointment or something.“
    “You’re going?“
    “I don’t think so, but I am curious. Especially after hearing what Patsy Mallett had to say.“
    “Which was?”
    Jane started to explain about Patsy overhearing the fight between Emma and Stonecipher and broke off when the waitress arrived with their salads. When they were alone again a moment later, she continued, “Patsy suspected Emma, but didn’t want to be a gossip,“ she said. “Of course Patsy didn’t know either about the heart attack and I didn’t say anything.“
    “Do you think Emma wanted to confide about this affair in your shell-pink ear?“
    “I wondered. But it seems so unlikely. I don’t even know her except for having taken that one class. We have virtually nothing in common, so why does she want to talk to me at all? And why was it all so abrupt and almost businesslike? It wasn’t a case of her appealing to me for ‘let’s talk sometime, I need some advice.’ It was very much an appointment. A summons, really.“
    “That is weird,“ Shelley said, critically examining a piece of the chicken in her salad. “But maybe it’s just her manner. I don’t recall her being notable for her social grace. And according to Patsy Mallett, Emma had good reason to be pretty badly disconcerted. You know, I think she turned up in town about the same time the Stoneciphers did. She might have come along because he was moving here. Who knows how long this affair has been going on? To have her hopes of marrying him blow up in her face just when she thought she’d finally gotten what she wanted—and then to have him die the very next day—well, it would be a rare person who didn’t get badly rattled.“
    “True, but it still doesn’t explain why she’d