Simmer Down

Ken’s, since I wasn’t about to use the same container as a food-storage bowl and as a hermit crab’s spa. I filled it a third of the way full with water and carried the bowl over to his cage.
    I hadn’t counted on my inability to reach inside the cage, touch Ken, and—terrifying prospect—actually pick him up in my bare hands. I was overcome by visions of an irate crab sticking his claws out of his shell and gouging my hands. So what if his pincers were only a few millimeters long? I still put on winter gloves. After that, by squealing and stomping my feet in disgust, I worked up the courage to lift the little monster and plop him into the bowl. Just as the Web had promised, Ken emerged from his shell and made grotesque scratching noises in his effort to find traction on the smooth curves of the bowl. Thirty seconds of that revolting nonsense was all I could endure. I went to pluck Ken out of his bath only to face the challenge of grabbing him without touching his actual body, which was now halfway out of his shell. Stupid pet. With one eye shut, I mustered enough bravado to return Ken to his cage. There wouldn’t be another bath any time soon for that crustacean.
    The phone rang. I yanked off my Ken-handling gloves and picked up.
    “Happy New Year, Chloe!” Naomi greeted me.
    “You, too. What’s up?”
    “I called to talk about the list you’ve been working on.”
    Uh-oh.

FOURTEEN

    THE list, which I had e-mailed to Naomi, had evidently left her speechless. I waited out her long pause until the fear overcame me that she’d get me kicked out of social work school for my lack of aptitude for self-exploration.
    “Why don’t I pull up my copy on the computer?” I sat down in front of the monitor, opened the document I’d entitled crp.doc, and cleared my throat. “Okay. I’m ready to be analyzed!” I said cheerily. Last night I’d added a few last-minute items in an attempt to beef up my list. I scanned the computer screen to make sure I’d deleted the phrase psychotic supervisor.
    “First of all,” Naomi began, “why is the file called ‘crp’?”
    What had possessed me? Why hadn’t I changed the file name before e-mailing it to her? “Well...” I cleared my throat. “That stands for Chloe’s Real Problems.”
    “Hm. Okay.” Another long pause.
    I said nothing.
    “As I’m reviewing your list, I’m finding a general theme of irritation with daily life, and, um, I wonder if you could speak about why things like putting duvet covers on comforters cause you anger. And your intense hatred of shower-curtain hooks?”
    “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought,” I lied. “I’ve discovered that I tend to become angry with daily challenges that are preventable. There is enough needless red tape in the world, and with all the incredible technology and resources available in this country, I cannot accept the idea that no one has invented shower hooks that stay on the rod, or easier ways to make the bed, or some sort of little tool that would remove leaves from oregano stems. I mean, it’s the overwhelming number of seemingly small challenges that we face each day that add up to create hour after hour of frustrating experiences. So, at the end of a twenty-four-hour period, we have each come across a multitude of annoying hindrances that roll themselves up into a giant ball of anger. So, at first glance, my list may look like it’s made up of trivial things, but, really, it’s the effect of such a large number of preventable frustrations that lead me to a state of anger.”
    “Chloe, I’m sure that all the people waiting in long lines at food banks would sympathize with your being forced to endure Jessica Simpson’s rendition of ‘Let It Snow’ throughout the entire month of December.” Perhaps I should have left that one off the list? “Why don’t I forward you a copy of my list of things that cause me anger? And then we can compare.”
    I heard the clicking of her keyboard, and, thanks to highspeed Internet access, I got her e-mail almost immediately. “Great,” I said. “Here it is.”
    I skimmed Naomi’s lengthy list: “Lack of resources allotted to social services agencies. Continued tolerance of chauvinistic/abusive behavior in the workplace. Inequality in... ” Okay, I got the message. I was a terrible human being.
    I said, “This is quite an extensive list. Perhaps you could share your insights into yourself with me, and I could use you as a role model for