Simmer Down

squeezed into the pants, which after about forty-five knee bends, I decided would stretch out enough to fit. I put on the red top and said, “Okay, turn around. What do you think?”
    “I told you. You look hot. High-heel boots and some earrings, and you’ll be good to go.”
    Good thing we’d be sitting down most of the night, since the odds of my successfully walking too far in the tight pants and heels were slim to none.
    “Is Owen coming with Adrianna?” Doug called to me as I was in the bathroom fiddling with my hair.
    “Yup. And, no, he’s still straight.”
    “Damn.” Doug and Owen had met a few months earlier, and Doug was still harboring a secret crush on Ade’s boyfriend. “Anyway, how did your semester end up?”
    “Fine, I guess. But I need some advice. Come in here and keep me company.” I filled Doug in on my list, on the conversation I’d had today with Naomi, and on my general inability to take to the streets to riot for justice. I didn’t want to involve him in my obsession with Naomi as a psycho killer. For one thing, he might decide that I was crazy. For another, the more I talked about my obsession, the worse it would become, which is to say, the more possible and even likely.
    “Chloe, you’ve got to relax. This Naomi character has got her own style, her own niche in the world of social work. You’ve just got to find yours. And your professional style will probably be very different from hers, but you can be equally effective in working with people. Naomi is totally dedicated to fighting sexual harassment, but I don’t think that is your calling. I know you care about the women you’ve been working with, but don’t feel bad that you aren’t Naomi. The field placements are designed to give you insight and experience into social service agencies in general. It’s part of a process of learning about yourself and what you want to do. Look, when you graduate, you might want to work for a nonprofit, but you might want to try to get into private practice, or work for a large corporation doing organizational psychology work. Whatever you want. There are a million different opportunities.”
    “So I won’t flunk out of school? Go look at my list. It’s on my laptop in the kitchen.”
    “No, you won’t flunk out,” he said from the other room. “But I agree that your list was pathetic.” Doug returned to the bathroom and looked at me with well-deserved irritation. “I know you’re a more caring person than that list suggests. I mean, come on, ‘People who stand too close to me in line,’ is not what Naomi was looking for.”
    “It’s an infringement on my personal space, and I find it highly upsetting!” I snapped back.
    “And, ‘Mail that comes from Delaware because it will be a credit card offer with ridiculous interest rates’? You don’t like the way Naomi pushes you, right? Instead of letting your interests and concerns come out naturally, she expects you to voice your outrage at the world the same way she does. Why don’t you try giving her a little more on a daily basis, and maybe she’ll lay off these stupid exercises.”
    “Yeah, you’re probably right. She just expects me to walk around constantly proclaiming my opposition to sexual harassment. Like I should be carrying banners and protest signs with me everywhere I go!”
    “Why did you go to social work school?” Doug asked. “You know why! I had no choice!”
    “Yeah, I know your uncle’s will required you to get a master’s degree in something. You could have picked anything. Business school, broadcasting, art history? But you didn’t. You chose social work. Why?”
    “I don’t know. It seemed like it would be, uh, okay,” I stammered.
    “That’s not a reason, and that’s what you need to think about. You’ll work it out. But for now”—Doug pushed me aside to get a glimpse of himself in the mirror—“remember that even negative experiences are part of learning. It’s important to know what you don’t want to do so that you can figure out what you do want to do. Hurry up so we can go. It’s already six, and it’s going to take forever to get downtown tonight. I’m a gay man, and I get ready faster than you.”
    “Yes, but you practically don’t have any hair,” I pointed out. “Anyhow, I’m ready.”
    I realized that I was fussing over my hair and makeup more than usual tonight, probably because that stupid Hannah had reappeared in Josh’s life and I was feeling