Slammed

claim to you and your past.
     
    Joel starts reading names out loud as he releases balloons one by one. Eddie is crying as we all watch the balloons slowly disappear into the darkness. He continues releasing them, until all 29 siblings and all 13 parents names have been read and released.
     
    He still has one pink balloon remaining in his hand. Across the front of it, in big black letters, it says DAD.
     
    Gavin folds the paper up and takes a step back as Joel walks toward Eddie.
     
    "I hope for your birthday, you’ll accept this gift," Joel says as he hands her the pink balloon. "I want to be your Dad, Eddie. I want to be your family for the rest of your life."
     
    Eddie hugs him and they cry. The rest of us slowly walk back inside Getty’s so they can have their moment.
     
    "Oh my god, I need a napkin," I sniff as I search for something to wipe my eyes. I grab some napkins off the counter when I look at Nick and Gavin. They're both crying. I grab a few more napkins for them as we walk back to our booth.

17.
     
    “ If I get murdered in the city
    don’t go revengin’ in my name
    One person dead from such is plenty
    No need to go get locked away.”
    -The Avett Brothers, Murder in the City
     

Chapter Seventeen
     
     
     
    I can honestly say I feel like I've moved through the five stages of grief in every aspect of my life.
     
    I have accepted my father's death. I accepted his death months before we even moved to Michigan. I've accepted my mother's fate. I realize she hasn't even died yet, and that the stages of grief will once again recommence when she does. But I know it won't be as hard.
     
    I've accepted living in Michigan. The song I listened to on repeat at Will's house in the floor was called Weight of Lies . A portion of the lyrics say,
     
    "The weight of lies will bring you down, follow you to every town 'cause
     
    nothing happens here that doesn't happen there."
     
    Every time the song looped, all I ever heard was the part about the lies-and how they weigh you down. Tonight as I drive toward Detroit in my jeep, I know what those words really mean. It's not just lies they're referring to. It's life. You can't run to another town, another place, another state. Whatever it is you’re running from-it goes with you. It stays with you until you find out how to confront it.
     
    Whatever it is I was hoping to run back to Texas from, it would eventually make its way back to me. So here I am in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Where I'll stay. And I'm okay with that.
     
    I've accepted the situation with Will. I don't blame him at all for what he chose. Sure, I had fantasies of him sweeping me off my feet, telling me he doesn't need a career when he has love. The reality of it is, if he would have put his feelings for me first; it would've been hard to accept that he could so easily throw away the things that are the most important to him. It would have said a lot less about his character. So, I don't blame him, I respect him. And someday when I'm ready, I'll thank him.
     
    ***
     
    I pull up to the club a little after eight o'clock. Gavin had a surprise for Eddie so they took a detour, said they'd be here late. The parking lot is unusually crowded, so I have to take a spot in the back of the building. When I get out of the car, I take a deep breath and prepare myself. I'm not sure when it was that I decided I was going to perform tonight, but I'm having second thoughts.
     
    My mother's words linger in my head as I make my way to the front door. " Push your boundaries Lake, that’s what they’re there for."
     
    I can do this. They're just words. Repeat them and you're done. It's that simple.
     
    I walk in the door a few minutes late. I can tell the sac is about to perform because you could hear a pin drop. I sneak in and quietly make my way to the back of the room. I don't want to draw attention to myself, so I slide into an empty booth. I take my phone out to turn the volume down and text Eddie letting her know where I'm sitting. That's when it happens; I hear him.
     
    Will is standing in front of the microphone on the stage, performing a piece as the sacrifice.
     
    I used to love the ocean.
     
    Everything about her.
     
    Her coral reefs , her white caps , her roaring waves , the rocks they lap , her pirate legends and mermaid tails,
     
    Treasures lost and treasures held…
     
    And ALL
     
    Of her fish
     
    In the sea.
     
    Yes, I used to love the ocean,
     
    Everything about her.
     
    The way she