Snuff
of snuff, you know.â
âYes, sir,â said Cheery. âIâm authorized to pay cash down.â
Bewilderforce looked extremely bewildered. âWhat? Policemen pay?â
W alking the streets in the company of Wee Mad Arthur presented a difficulty even for a dwarf like Cheery Littlebottom. He was around six inches high, so if you spoke to him while you walked you sounded like a madman. On the other hand, he heartily disliked being picked up. You just had to put up with it. Most people made a slight detour if they saw Wee Mad Arthur in any case.
They arrived back at the Watch House and reported to Carrot and the first thing he said to Cheery was, âDo you know where there are any goblin caves, Cheery?â
âNo, sir. Why do you ask?â
âIâll explain later,â said Carrot. âItâs fairly unbelievable. Did you find out anything from old Gumption?â
Cheery nodded. âYes, sir. Sergeant Colonâs haunted cigar came from Howondaland, no doubt about it.â
Carrot stared at her. âI didnât think there were goblins in Howondaland? All Jolsonâs family come from there.â He snapped his fingers. âHang on one moment.â He ran down the corridor to the canteen and came back followed by Constable Precious Jolson, a lady for whom the word large simply would not do. Everything about her was, as it were, family-sized, including her good nature. Everybody liked Precious. She seemed to be a fountainhead of jolliness with always a cheerful word for anybody, even when she was picking up a brace of drunks and throwing them into the hurry-up wagon.
After brief questioning Precious said, âDad sent me over there last year, remember, wanted me to find my roots. Canât say I took to it, really. Nice weather. Not much to do. Not very exciting really, unless you try to stroke one of the cats, they get kind of stroppy. Never heard of goblins there, not the sort of place for them, I suspect. Excuse me, captain, can I get back to my tea now?â
The silence that followed was broken by Carrot, who said, âHowondaland is months away by boat, and broomsticks donât work very well over water, even if we could persuade the wizards to lend us one. Any ideas?â
âCrivens!â said Wee Mad Arthur. âNo problemo! I reckon I could get there in less than a day, ye ken.â
They stared at him. Wee Mad Arthur was small enough to ride on the back of any bird larger than a medium-sized hawkâhis aerial broadcasts from the sky concerning traffic hold-ups in the city * were a regular feature of Ankh-Morpork street lifeâbut all the way to another continent?
He grinned. âAs ye ken, I was away for a wee while lately, making the acquaintance oâ my brothers, the Nac mac Feegle? Weel, they fly the birds a lot, and thereâs a thing they have called the craw step, ye ken? And I reckon Iâm canny enough to use it, ye ken.â
âThatâs three kens in one speech, Wee Mad Arthur,â said Angua, to laughter from the rest of the watchmen. âYou really got into the Feegle thing, didnât you!â
âOh, ye may scoff, but Iâm the only one of ye scunners who knows why we get so many big birds flying over the city at this time oâ year. Ankh-Morpork is hot! See the big plume of smoke and fumes? Thatâs all heat. It lifts ye up, a free ride that puts the wind under your wings. Have ye heard of the surreptitious albatross? No, because only me and the Professor of Ornithology at the university know about it, and he only knows because I told the scunner. Outside the mating season it never touches ground. Thatâs not the only thing thatâs odd. Itâs an eagle masquerading as a type of albatross. Ye could call it a shark oâ the sky, and I reckon one of them will do me nicely. They like the city. They hover up where youâll never see them unless you really know how to look. Thereâs always one about, and I could leave today. What you say?â
âBut, constable,â said Carrot, âyouâll freeze that high up in the sky, wonât you?â
âOh aye, I ken my thermal drawers may not be sufficient, which is why the word âbrandyâ is about to enter this conversation. Trust me on this, captain. I reckon I can be back within twa days.â
âHow many is that?â said Angua.
Wee Mad Arthur rolled his eyes. â Two , captain, for
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