Snuff
youâre a killer. Killing as duty called was another thing entirely. Letitia had listened to that unspeakable lawyer and they had all agreed that it be signed simply because that wretched Rust fella wanted it.
He opened this monthâs edition of Fang and Fire . Occasionally somebody lowered their voice, which you couldnât help thinking was damn insulting, given that they were sitting in a chapâs library and especially when the chap hadnât been consulted. But he didnât protest. He had long ago learned not to protest, and so he kept his eyes focused on the pullout feature on flame-retardant incubators, holding it in front of him as if to ward off evil.
However, among the words he didnât hear were, âOf course, he only married her for her money, you know.â That was his wifeâs voice. Then, â I heard she was desperate to find a husband.â The curiously sharp tone of that voice identified its owner as Miss Pickings, who, the colonel couldnât help noting, as he stared grimly at a full-page advertisement for asbestos kennels, had clearly been in no hurry to find a husband herself.
The colonel was, by inclination, a live-and-let-live personality and, frankly, if a gel wanted to go around with another gel who wears a shirt and tie, trains horses and has a face like a bulldog licking vinegar off a thistle, then it was entirely her business. After all, he told himself, what about old âBeefyâ Jackson, eh? Wore a dress every night in the mess and rather flowery aftershave for a chap, but when the call to arms came he could fight like a bloody demon. Funny old world.
He tried to find his place on the page again, but was interrupted by the Very Reverend Mouser. He never could get on with padres, couldnât see the point. âI find it very suspicious that the Ramkin family have turned up here after so many years, donât you? I keep reading about Vimes in the newspaper, not the kind of person you can imagine as simply taking a holiday.â
âAccording to Gravid, he is known as Vetinariâs terrier,â said Letitia.
At the other end of the room her husband thrust his head even deeper into his magazine so as not to snigger. Gravid! Who would call their child Gravid? No one who had ever kept dragons or fish, that was certain. Of course, there was such a thing as a dictionary, but then the old Lord Rust had never been the kind of man to open a book if he could help it. The colonel tried to contemplate an article on the treatment of Zig-Zag Throat in older males and the wife of his heart continued, âWell, we donât want any of Vetinariâs nonsense here. Apparently , his lordship rather enjoys allowing Vimes to break wind in the halls of the mighty. Apparently , Vimes is no respecter of rank. Indeed, quite the reverse. And indeed, it would seem that he is prepared to ambush a decent working man.â
Funny, thought the colonel, first time I ever heard her call the smith anything other than a blasted nuisance. It seemed to him that the gossip around the table was trite, artificial, like the conversation of raw recruits on the eve of their first battle. He thought, thereâs a warrant out for Commander Vimes, hero of Koom Valley (Bloody good show! Wonderful execution. Peace in our time between brother troll and brother dwarf and that sort of thing. Just the job! Iâve seen too much killing in my time) and now you are going to put him out of a job and a reputation, just because that greasy lad with a name like a pregnant frog has charmed you into doing so.
âI understand he has a very violent nature,â said, oh, what was his name? Bit of a bad hat in the colonelâs opinion. Bought a big villa up near Overhang, one of Rustâs cronies. Never seemed to do any work. What was his name, ah yes, Edgehill, not a man that you would trust behind you or in front of you, but theyâd sworn him in even so.
âAnd he was just a street kid and a drunkard!â said Letitia. âWhat do you think of that?â
The colonel paid careful attention to his magazine while his unspoken thoughts said, Sounds jolly good to me, my dear. All I got when I married you was the promise of a half-share in your dadâs fish and chip shop when I left the service, and I never even got that.
âEverybody knows that his ancestor killed a king, so I canât imagine a Vimes would jib at killing a blacksmith,â said the
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