Sole Survivor

happened at the Delmann house. Those events were incomprehensible. Thinking about them would not lead to understanding.
        He was dismayed to feel no grief and so little anguish about the Delmanns' and Lisa's deaths. At meetings of The Compassionate Friends, he had learned that following the loss of a child, parents often reported a disturbing inability to care about the suffering of others. Watching television news of freeway wrecks, apartment-building fires, and heinous murders, one sat numb and unaffected. Music that had once stirred the heart, art that had once touched the soul, now had no effect. Some people overcame this loss of sensitivity in a year or two, others in five years or ten, but others-never.
        The Delmanns had seemed like fine people, but he had never really known them.
        Lisa was a friend. Now she was dead. So what? Everyone died sooner or later. Your children. The woman who was the love of your life. Everyone.
        The hardness of his heart frightened him. He felt loathsome. But he could not force himself to feel the pain of others. Only his own. from the sea he sought the indifference to his losses that he already felt to the losses of others.
        Yet he wondered what manner of beast he would become if even the deaths of Michelle and Chrissie and Nina no longer mattered to him. For the first time, he considered that utter indifference might inspire not inner peace but a limitless capacity for evil.
        The busy service station and the adjacent twenty-four-hour convenience store were three blocks from his motel. Two public telephones were outside, near the restrooms.
        A few fat moths, white as snowflakes, circled under the cone-shaped downlights that were mounted along the building eaves. Vastly enlarged and distorted shadows of their wings swooped across the white stucco wall.
        Joe had never bothered to cancel his phone-company credit card. With it, he placed several long-distance calls that he dared not make from his motel room if he hoped to remain safe there.
        He wanted to speak to Barbara Christman, the IIC-Investigator in Charge-of the probe of Flight 353. It was eleven o'clock here on the West Coast and two o'clock Sunday morning in Washington, D.C. She would not be in her office, of course, and although Joe might be able to reach a duty officer at the National Transportation Safety Board even at this hour, he would never be given Christman's home number.
        Nevertheless, he got the NTSB's main number from information and placed the call. The Board's new automated phone system gave him extensive options, including the opportunity to leave voice mail for any Board member, senior crash investigator, or executive-level civil servant. Supposedly, if he entered the first initial and first four letters of the surname of the party for whom he wished to leave a message, he would be connected. Though he carefully entered B-C-H-R-I, he was routed not to voice mail but to a recording that informed him no such extension existed. He tried again with the same result.
        Either Barbara Christman was no longer an employee or the voice-mail system wasn't functioning properly.
        Although the IIC at any crash scene was a senior investigator operating out of the NTSB headquarters in Washington, other members of a Go-Team could be culled from specialists in field offices all over the country: Anchorage, Atlanta, Chicago, Denver, Fort Worth, Los Angeles, Miami, Kansas City, New York City, and Seattle. From the computer at the Post , Joe had obtained a list of most if not all of the team members, but he didn't know where any of them was based.
        Because the crash site was a little more than a hundred miles south of Denver, he assumed at least a few of the team had been drawn from that office. Using his list of eleven names, he sought phone numbers from directory assistance in Denver.
        He obtained three listings. The other eight people were either unlisted or not Denver-area residents.
        The ceaseless swelling and shrinking and swelling again of moth shadows across the stucco wall of the service station teased at Joe's memory. They reminded him of something, and increasingly he sensed that the recollection was as important as it was elusive. For a moment he stared intently at the swooping shadows, which were as amorphous as the molten forms in a Lava Lamp, but he could not make the connection.
        Though it was