Something Ive Been Meaning to Tell You

Women should stick together and not do things like that. I see that now, but didn’t then. I never thought of myself as being in any way like her, or coming to the same troubles, ever.
    She hadn’t taken her eyes off me. I thought she suspected my lie.
    “When did he mention this to you?”
    “Earlier.”
    “When you were over at the plane?”
    “Yes.”
    “You must’ve stayed and had a chat.” She smiled at me, not a nice smile. “You must’ve stayed and had a little visit with him.”
    “I took a cake,” I said, thinking that telling some truth would spare me telling the rest.
    “We didn’t have a cake,” said Mrs. Peebles rather sharply.
    “I baked one.”
    Alice Kelling said, “That was very friendly of you.”
    “Did you get permission,” said Loretta Bird. “You never know what these girls’ll do next,” she said. “It’s not they mean harm so much, as they’re ignorant.”
    “The cake is neither here nor there,” Mrs. Peebles broke in. “Edie, I wasn’t aware you knew Chris that well.”
    I didn’t know what to say.
    “I’m not surprised,” Alice Kelling said in a high voice. “I knew by the look of her as soon as I saw her. We get them at the hospital all the time.” She looked hard at me with her stretched smile. “Having their babies. We have to put them in a special ward because of their diseases. Little country tramps. Fourteen and fifteen years old. You should see the babies they have, too.”
    “There was a bad woman here in town had a baby that pus was running out of its eyes,” Loretta Bird put in.
    “Wait a minute,” said Mrs. Peebles. “What is this talk? Edie. What about you and Mr. Watters? Were you intimate with him?”
    “Yes,” I said. I was thinking of us lying on the cot and kissing, wasn’t that intimate? And I would never deny it.
    They were all one minute quiet, even Loretta Bird.
    “Well,” said Mrs. Peebles. “I am surprised. I think I need a cigarette. This is the first of any such tendencies I’ve seen in her,” she said, speaking to Alice Kelling, but Alice Kelling was looking at me.
    “Loose little bitch.” Tears ran down her face. “Looselittle bitch, aren’t you? I knew as soon as I saw you. Men despise girls like you. He just made use of you and went off, you know that, don’t you? Girls like you are just nothing, they’re just public conveniences, just filthy little rags!”
    “Oh, now,” said Mrs. Peebles.
    “Filthy,” Alice Kelling sobbed. “Filthy little rag!”
    “Don’t get yourself upset,” Loretta Bird said. She was swollen up with pleasure at being in on this scene. “Men are all the same.”
    “Edie, I’m very surprised,” Mrs. Peebles said. “I thought your parents were so strict. You don’t want to have a baby, do you?”
    I’m still ashamed of what happened next. I lost control, just like a six-year-old, I started howling. “You don’t get a baby from just doing that!”
    “You see. Some of them are that ignorant,” Loretta Bird said.
    But Mrs. Peebles jumped up and caught my arms and shook me.
    “Calm down. Don’t get hysterical. Calm down. Stop crying. Listen to me. Listen. I’m wondering, if you know what being intimate means. Now tell me. What did you think it meant?”
    “Kissing,” I howled.
    She let go. “Oh, Edie. Stop it. Don’t be silly. It’s all right. It’s all a misunderstanding. Being intimate means a lot more than that. Oh, I
wondered
.”
    “She’s trying to cover up, now,” said Alice Kelling. “Yes. She’s not so stupid. She sees she got herself in trouble.”
    “I believe her,” Mrs. Peebles said. “This is an awful scene.”
    “Well there is one way to find out,” said Alice Kelling, getting up. “After all, I am a nurse.”
    Mrs. Peebles drew a breath and said, “No. No. Go to your room, Edie. And stop that noise. That is too disgusting.”
    I heard the car start in a little while. I tried to stop crying, pulling back each wave as it started over me. Finally I succeeded, and lay heaving on the bed.
    Mrs. Peebles came and stood in the doorway.
    “She’s gone,” she said. “That Bird woman too. Of course, you know you should never have gone near that man and that is the cause of all this trouble. I have a headache. As soon as you can, go and wash your face in cold water and get at the dishes and we will not say any more about this.”

    Nor we didn’t. I didn’t figure out till years later the extent of what I had been saved from. Mrs. Peebles was