Soul Beach

like any joke he made was the funniest thing you ever heard?’
    ‘I guess so. At first.’
    ‘OK. Did the rest of the world stop when you were with him?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘You never dreamed of what your kids would look like? Knew that you’d give up pretty much everything else in your life if you could be with him?’
    Part of me thinks it’s funny how she’s swallowed the lyrics of a thousand love songs. ‘No.’
    ‘Did you feel violently jealous when you saw another girl even talking to him?’
    ‘A bit annoyed, maybe.’
    ‘But not like you could scratch her eyes out, or lamp her one?’
    I smile. ‘No.’ But part of me is jealous that life for Stacie is so black and white.
    She touches me on the shoulder. ‘Fair enough. Doesn’t matter how cute he is if he’s not the One.’
    ‘You really believe we all have a soul mate? One single person for each of us? No compromises?’
    ‘Of course.’
    ‘But people change, don’t they? I know I’m a different person to the Alice I was before Meggie died . . .’
    ‘The right boy will love you even if you change.’
    ‘It seems a bit random. To think you can only ever meet one person. What if your paths never cross?’
    ‘You sound like my mum. Don’t get all cynical, Alice. Boys hate that. You’ll know what I mean when you find him, I promise. Then you’ll go, bloody hell, Stacie was right all along.’
    And she smiles at me, all-knowing and wise, as though she’s ten years older than me, not thirteen months.
    ‘Thanks.’ I don’t tell her what I’m thinking: that I don’t even want to find the One any more, because everything seems so meaningless when you know that nothing except the Beach lasts for ever. And that forever isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy.
    Sometimes I do want to tell people, to warn them of what lies ahead, to make the most of now.
    ‘Though, Alice, hope you don’t mind me saying this, but I reckon you’d stand a better chance of finding him sooner if you did your hair and thought about a spray tan. I mean, we all know what you’ve been through, and we’re all worried about you, but you’re really pale.’
    ‘It’s the end of October, Stacie. Of course I’m pale.’
    ‘So what? Ever heard of faking it? God, I bet you don’t wax in winter, either, do you?’ She casts a horrified look down at my jeans, as though there might be a jungle of hair lurking underneath. ‘The thing is, you never know when you’re going to meet the One. Or where. So you need to look great at all times, just in case. Best bit of advice I could give you, Alice.’
    And with that, Stacie does an elegant turn that wouldn’t look out of place on Strictly Come Dancing , and heads towards the stage just in time to stop her big sister tumbling onto the dance floor below.

40
    After the tackiness of the party, the Beach is a breath of fresh air. Somehow the Guests look more natural, plus, no one’s going to slag me off for not being orange or depilated enough.
    ‘Hey, Alice. Good to see you.’ Danny is under our tree, playing solitaire.
    He smiles so widely that for a moment it even cancels out the awful yearning in his eyes. But only for a moment.
    ‘Keeping busy?’ I sit down, facing away from the shoreline.
    ‘Non-stop here.’ His smile drops and for a second all I can see is desperation. Do they all feel like this, behind the grins and the jokes?
    I turn back towards the sea where, in the distance, the beautiful girls and boys are splashing each other in the surf. It’s a stunning day. I mean, it’s always stunning here, but today in particular the sky seems an unbearably perfect blue, and the coastal breeze offers just the right amount of relief from the warmth of the sun.
    The coastal breeze? How can I possibly be feeling it when I am sitting in my stuffy, centrally heated bedroom miles from the sea?
    ‘Can I ask you something, Danny?’
    ‘Sure.’
    ‘It’s about Triti.’ He nods at me to continue. ‘At the weekend, I talked to her before I met up with you guys. She seemed so . . . hopeless.’
    He begins to pick up the cards fanned out on the blue chequered beach towel. ‘We’ve all tried talking to her. Javier first. Then Meggie. Then me. I’m always the last resort.’ He laughs. ‘Not too hot at cheering people up.’
    ‘What happened?’
    He’s shuffling the cards. ‘Javier tried a few jokes. Meggie tried pointing out the good stuff about paradise. I played it straight. Said we all had bad days, just