Soul Beach

something else?
    The report ends, and I click on it again, but this time I mute the sound, not just because I want to kill the semi-hysterical reporter, but also so I can focus on the images, on any clues that I’ve missed.
    But as I watch, I realise what’s got under my skin: it’s her . It’s the teeny-tiny chestnut-haired home girl, with her delicate little hand locked around his waist and her goo-goo eyes fixed on the prize.
    There’s nothing between them. Any idiot could see that. The stupid reporter is exaggerating for the sake of the story.
    And when he kisses mini-girl, my anger disappears, replaced by a feeling like I’m falling through space. Is this how Danny felt as he plunged to earth? Or . . .
    As the final shot replays, finishing on a freeze frame of the moment when his lips meet hers, I remember what Stacie said to me at Laurel’s party, and I realise. How can a girl with as many GCSEs as me be so stupid about real life? It’s not about the picture. It’s not even about some psychic hunch or mystical clue.
    It’s jealousy, plain and simple.

42
    I slam the laptop shut.
    Stacie’s soppy questions ring in my ears, louder than the waves from the Beach have ever been.
    Did the rest of the world stop when you were with him?
    Does it? The real world means nothing to me when I’m on Soul Beach, and up till now, I’ve assumed it’s all about being with Meggie.
    But is it possible that Danny is the other reason why I can’t stay away? And if it is, then what does that say about me?
    You never dreamed of what your kids would look like?
    No. That really would be very, very weird.
    Knew that you’d give up pretty much everything else in your life if you could be with him?
    If I wanted to be with Danny, I’d be giving up on life altogether. I’m not that foolish.
    And yet, haven’t there been times lately when I’ve felt that Soul Beach is the only place I want to be? Even though it’s terrified me to admit what that would actually mean . . .
    Did you feel violently jealous when you saw another girl even talking to him? Like you could scratch her eyes out, or lamp her one?
    Well, that’s a yes, for sure. So: two yeses, one maybe and one no. Stacie would say that’s not nearly enough to be certain.
    But me? I lie in the dark and I think of Danny and I know that the way I feel when I’m with him is a million times stronger than the way I felt with Robbie.
    No, scrub that. It’s another emotion altogether.
    Shit. I think I’m falling for a dead guy.

43
    In the morning, I realise how ridiculous it is: of course I don’t love Danny. I’m just lonely and fed up and maybe that’s what’s triggered the kind of embarrassing crush I thought I’d grown out of in Year Eight.
    But still, I don’t feel like taking my usual pre-breakfast stroll on the beach, so I head to school early. No one notices. Dad’s already left for the office – probably because he can sleep there undisturbed – and Mum is up to something. She keeps humming, which is always a bad sign.
    Just outside the school gate, my mobile rings. Withheld number . I’m about to let it go to voicemail when I get this awful terror that it could be Meggie, on some kind of Soul Beach emergency phone, worried about why I haven’t turned up on the Beach yet.
    ‘Alice? Is that you?’
    A man’s voice. Not a wrong number, but a man who knows my name. Those four words feel like a precise kick below my ribcage. I almost double up.
    ‘Who is this?’ I whisper, once I can breathe again.
    A nervous laugh. I’m about to hang up when he says, ‘It’s Adrian. Sahara’s boyfriend. Remember, from the pub?’
    My fear turns to irritation. ‘Yes. I do. But couldn’t you have texted? I’ve got enough to worry about without calls from people I don’t know.’
    ‘I’m really sorry to call out of the blue,’ he says, and he sounds it, which makes my heart beat slow a little. ‘And yes, I knew it might stress you out, but I’ve made someone a promise and it’s something that might help you too.’
    ‘How?’ I’m sceptical, though actually, he sounds genuine.
    ‘Sahara told me that when you were in Greenwich, you’d come to look for Tim?’
    Meddling cow . ‘She had no right to tell you.’
    Those moments in Meggie’s room come back to me: the darkness and the panic. I never want to go there again, never want to talk to Sahara. But if you don’t, you’ll never know . . .
    ‘Listen, you’re right, maybe she shouldn’t have