Soul Music

the word. But, in a place like this, it was all lost and alone. There were only three or four customers in at this early hour of the evening. They weren’t paying any attention to the stage.
    The wall behind the stage had clearly seen action. He stared at it as Lias patiently stacked up his stones.
    “Oh, just a bit of fruit and old eggs,” said Glod. “People probably get a bit boisterous. I shouldn’t worry about that.”
    “I’m not worried about it,” said Imp.
    “I should think not.”
    “It’s the ax marks and arrow holles I’m worried about. Gllod, we haven’t even practiced! Not properly!”
    “You can play your guitar, can’t you?”
    “Well, yes, I suppose…”
    He’d tried it out. It was easy to play. In fact, it was almost impossible to play badly. It didn’t seem to matter how he touched the strings—they still rang out the tune he had in mind. It was, in solid form, the kind of instrument you dream about when you first start to play—the one you can play without learning. He remembered when he’d first picked up a harp and struck the strings, confidently expecting the kind of lambent tones the old men coaxed from them. He’d got a discord instead. But this was the instrument he’d dreamed of…
    “We’ll stick to numbers everyone knows,” said the dwarf. “‘A Wizard’s Staff’ and ‘Gathering Rhubarb.’ Stuff like that. People like songs they can snigger along to.”
    Imp looked down at the bar. It was filling up a bit now. But his attention was drawn to a large orang-utan, which had pulled up its chair right in front of the stage and was holding a bag of fruit.
    “Gllod, there’s an ape watching us.”
    “Well?” said Glod, unfolding a string bag.
    “It’s an ape .”
    “This is Ankh-Morpork. That’s how things are here.” Glod removed his helmet and unfolded something from inside.
    “Why’ve you got a string bag?” said Imp.
    “Fruit’s fruit. Waste not, want not. If they throw eggs, try to catch them.”
    Imp slung the guitar’s strap over his shoulder. He’d tried to tell the dwarf, but what could he say: This is too easy to play?
    He hoped there was a god of musicians.
    And there is. There are many, one for almost every type of music. Almost every type. But the only one due to watch over Imp that night was Reg, god of club musicians, who couldn’t pay much attention because he’d also got three other gigs to do.
    “We ready?” said Lias, picking his hammers.
    The others nodded.
    “Let’s give ’em ‘The Wizard’s Staff,’ then,” said Glod. “That always breaks the ice.”
    “Okay,” said the troll. He counted on his fingers. “One, two…one, two, many, lots .”
    The first apple was thrown seven seconds later. It was caught by Glod, who didn’t miss a note. But the first banana curved viciously and grounded in his ear.
    “Keep playing!” he hissed.
    Imp obeyed, ducking a fusillade of oranges.
    In the front row, the ape opened his bag and produced a very large melon.
    “Can you see any pears?” said Glod, taking a breath. “I like pears.”
    “I can see a man with a throwing ax!”
    “Does it look valuable?”
    An arrow vibrated in the wall by Lias’s head.

    It was three in the morning. Sergeant Colon and Corporal Nobbs were reaching the conclusion that anyone who intended to invade Ankh-Morpork probably wasn’t going to do so now. And there was a good fire back in the watch house.
    “We could leave a note,” said Nobby, blowing on his fingers. “You know? Come back tomorrow, sort of thing?”
    He looked up. A solitary horse was walking under the gate arch. A white horse, with a somber, black-clad rider.
    There was no question of “Halt, who goes there?” The night watch walked the streets at strange hours and had become accustomed to seeing things not generally seen by mortal men.
    Sergeant Colon touched his helmet respectfully.
    “‘Evenin’, your lordship,” he said.
    “Er…GOOD EVENING.”
    The guards watched the horse walk out of sight.
    “Some poor bugger’s in for it, then,” said Sergeant Colon.
    “He’s dedicated, you got to admit it,” said Nobby. “Out at all hours. Always got time for people.”
    “Yeah.”
    The guards stared into the velvety dark. Something not quite right , thought Sergeant Colon.
    “What’s his first name?” said Nobby.
    They stared some more. Then Sergeant Colon, who still hadn’t quite been able to put his finger on it, said, “What do you mean, what’s his first