Strange Highways

came to me because I was on the list the school gave him. Maybe it was a subconscious recollection of my name that made him choose me. I'd like to think he still held some memory of me even if he wasn't aware of it. However, I think it was really just pure chance. Fate."
     "So you told him what you'd done to him when he was little?"
     "No. No, no. But I tried ... to reawaken his desire."
     "It was focused on girls by then."
     "He shunned me," Linski said, not with anger, not in a cold mad voice, but with deep sadness. "And then he told his parents, and they threatened me again. My hope was raised, you see ... raised and then shattered forever. It was so unfair to have it raised and then ... nothing. It hurt."
     "Lora and Harry ... they must have suspected you killed him."
     "Who're they to point a finger?" Linski said.
     "They gave me your name."
     Ben thought of the way in which they had directed him toward Linski: Harry pretending to recall the tutor's name only with effort, getting it only half right, and Lora correcting him. Too gutless to violate the sixth commandment and seek the vengeance they wanted, they had contrived to see in Ben the hand of God and had deviously pointed him toward this man.
     "I should have passed judgment on Harry and Lora too," Linski said but without anger. "For letting the boy become what he became."
     "It had nothing to do with what the boy had become. You killed him because you couldn't have him."
     In a still, solemn voice, Linski said, "No. That isn't it at all. Don't you see? He was a fornicator. Don't you understand? I couldn't bear to see what Mikey had become over the years. Once so innocent ... and then just as filthy as anyone, as filthy as all of us, a filthy and callow fornicator. Seeing what he became ... in a way that soiled me, soiled the memories of what we'd once had. You can understand that."
     "No."
     "It soiled me," Linski repeated, his voice gradually growing softer. He seemed lost and far away. "Soiled me."
     "And what you did with him ... that wasn't sin, wasn't filthy?"
     "No."
     "Then what?"
     "Love."
     War was waged to make peace. Abuse was love. Welcome to the funhouse, where strange mirrors reflect the faces of Hell.
     Ben said, "Would you have killed the girl with him?"
     "Yes. If I'd had time. But you interrupted. And then ... I just didn't care about her so much any more."
     "She was a witness. If she'd seen anything ..."
     Linski shrugged.
     "All your anger turned toward me."
     "You being a hero," Judge said cryptically.
     "What?"
     "You being the war hero ... what did that make me?"
     "I don't know. What did it make you?"
     "The villain, the monster," he said, and tears welled in his eyes. "Until you showed up, I was clean. I was judgment. Just passing judgment. But you're the big hero ... and every hero has to have a monster to slay. So they made me the monster."
     Ben said nothing.
     "I was only trying to preserve the memory of Mikey the way he was so long ago. The pure innocence that he was. Preserve it. Is that so bad?"
     Finally, Linski sobbed.
     Ben could not bear the weeping.
     The killer huddled pathetically in the chair, trying to lift his taped hands so that he could bury his face in them.
     The trial. The press. Unending publicity. Back into the attic room to escape. And Linski, huddled and pathetic, would never spend time in a prison. A mental hospital, yes, but not prison. Innocent by reason of insanity.
     He put one hand on Linski's head, smoothed his hair.
     Linski leaned into the comforting touch.
     "Everybody's damaged," Chase said.
     Linski looked up at him through tears.
     "Some are just damaged too much. Far too much."
     "I'm sorry," Linski said.
     "It's okay."
     "I'm sorry."
     "Open wide for me."
     Linski knew what was coming. He opened his mouth.
Ben put the muzzle between Linski's teeth and pulled the trigger. He dropped the gun and turned away from the dead man, walked into the hall, and opened the bathroom door. He put up the lid of the toilet bowl, dropped to his knees, and vomited. He remained on his knees for a long time before he could control the spasms that racked him. He