Stranger in a Strange Land

have any 'Old Ones?' No souls, that has to mean. When we discorporate-die!--do we die dead? die all over and nothing left? Do we live in ignorance because it doesn't matter? Because we are gone and not a rack behind in a time so short that a Martian would use it for one long contemplation? Tell me, Jill. You're human."
                She smiled with sober serenity. "You yourself have told me. You have taught me to know eternity and you can't take it away from me, ever. You can't die, Mike-you can only discorporate." She gestured down at herself with both hands. "This body that you have taught me to see through your eyes . . . and that you have loved so well, someday it will be gone. But I shall not be gone . . . I am that I am! Thou art God and I am God and we are God, eternally. I am not sure where I will be, or whether I will remember that I was once Jill Boardman who was happy trotting bedpanS and equally happy strutting her stuff in her buff under bright lights. I have liked this body-"
                With a most uncustomary gesture of impatience Mike threw away her clothes.
                "Thank you, dear," she said quietly, not stirring from where she was seated. "It has been a nice body to me-and to you-to both of us who thought of it. But I don't expect to miss it when I am through with it. I hope that you will eat it when I discorporate."
                "Oh, I'll eat you, all right-unless I discorporate first."
                "I don't suppose that you will. With your much greater control over your sweet body I suspect that you can live several centuries at least. If you wish it. Unless you choose to discorporate sooner."
                "I might. But not now. Jill, I've tried and tried. How many churches have we attended?"
                "All the sorts there are in San Francisco, I think-except, possibly, for little, secret ones that don't list their addresses. I don't recall how many times we have been to seekers' services."
                "That's just to comfort Pat-I'd never go again if you weren't sure that she needs to know that we haven't given up."
                "She does need to. And we can't lie about it-you don't know how and I can't, not to Patty. Nor any brother."
                "Actually," he admitted, "the Fosterites do have quite a bit on the ball. All twisted, of course. They are clumsy, groping-the way I was as a carney. And they'll never correct their mistakes, because this thing-" He caused Patty's book to lift. "-is mostly crap!"
                "Yes. But Patty doesn't see those parts of it. She is wrapped in her own innocence. She is God and behaves accordingly . . . only She doesn't know who She is."
                "Uh huh," he agreed. "That's our Pat. She believes it only when I tell her-with proper emphasis. But, Jill, there are only three places to look. Science-and I was taught more about how the physical universe is put together while I was still in the nest than human scientists can yet handle. So much that I can't even talk to them . . . even about as elementary a gimmick as levitation. I'm not disparaging human scientists . . . what they do and how they go about it is just as it should be; I grok that fully. But what they are after is not what I am looking for-you don't grok a desert by counting its grains of sand. Then there's philosophy-supposed to tackle everything. Does it? All any philosopher ever comes Out with is exactly what be walked in with-except for those sell-deluders who prove their assumptions by their conclusions, in a circle. Like Kant. Like many other tail-chasers. So the answer, if it's anywhere, ought to be here." He waved at the pile of religious books. "Only it's not. Bits and pieces that grok true, but never a pattern-Or if there is a pattern, every time, without fail, they ask you to take the hard part on faith. Faith! What a dirty Anglo~ Saxon monosyllable-Jill, how does it happen that you didn't mention that one when you were teaching me the words that mustn't be used in polite company?"
                She smiled. "Mike, you just made a joke."
                "I didn't mean it as a joke ... and I can't see that it's funny. Jill, I haven't even been good for you-you used to laugh. You used to laugh and giggle until I worried about you. I haven't learned to laugh; instead you've forgotten how. Instead of my becoming human . . .