Swan Dive

that is so unexpectedly cushiony and enveloping, it seems to eat people. If I were Roy , and I were going to visit Hanna in retaliation, I’d wait until the nurse was off duty so she could give me another alibi. That left me about six hours, plenty of time for a nap and a drive to Samaritan Hospital .

    Samaritan is located in a North Shore community and treads a tough line. Not supported by state, city, or church, it is always in need of the kind of funding that has no strings attached. It doesn’t usually get what it needs, as is made clear by its fissured parking lot, kiltered sidewalks, and warped linoleum. Having passed the security desk with the last surge of patients’ visitors, I spotted Sheilah Kelley a few minutes later as she pushed a medicine cart toward the children’s ward.
    ”Excuse me, Nurse Kelley?”
    She lurched around, flagging already at the three-quarter point of her shift. Up close, I saw she had brown eyes and more freckles than pale skin around them.
    ”Can I help you with something?”
    ”My name’s John Cuddy.”
    She stiffened and pursed her lips.
    ”Miss, you know who I am and why I’m here. Is there someplace we can talk privately?”
    ”Lemme see your badge.”
    ”We’re not allowed to carry one.”
    ”What?”
    ”In Massachusetts , all we can carry is identification, no badge. Here.”
    She looked at it, buying time more than reading or checking anything. Then she turned away, shuttling the cart forward again. As I was about to speak, she said over her shoulder, ”End of the corridor. There’s a small playroom. I’ll be with you in ten minutes.”
    I found it and went inside. The walls were done in early Bozo the Clown. Even stepping carefully, my shoes crunched the innumerable pieces of unnamable board games that lay scattered near a short-legged table. I gently swept a Barbie doll and a G.I. Joe from a Sesame Street floor cushion. Sitting down, I tried not to feel too foolish as I wondered whether Sheilah Kelley was calling Roy Marsh for guidance.
    She came in just as I was about to get up to search for her. She leaned against the wall, staying near the door. ”Five minutes.”
    ”Why don’t we skip the preliminaries, then. Tell me, did Roy actually have you hold the kitten down, or were you just the wheelman?”
    She swallowed hard and tried not to blink. ” Roy was with me all afternoon.”
    ”In Swampscott.”
    ”Right.”
    ”In nursing school they must have made you cut into animals, anatomy class and all. Were the animals usually dead first, because Cottontail sure—”
    ”Stop it!”
    She couldn’t stop blinking now, and the tears came even as she brushed them away angrily.
    I spoke more softly. ”You work with kids. It’s your job. How could you cover for the guy after what he did?”
    She shivered and sank a little, then slid down the wall until her rump hit the floor. She used her arms to hug her knees, lowering her face into them like a sleeping sentry. ”He was with me.”
    Time for a different tack. ”How did you meet Marsh?”
    She raised her head. ”Why do you want to know?”
    ”Look, I’m not after you. You want to be loyal to Marsh, fine. The truth isn’t going to bring back the cat or make Vickie feel any better. I just want to understand what happened so it won’t happen again.”
    She said, ”It won’t,” a little too quickly, then put her head back down.
    I said as gently as I could, ”You may love him, but you can’t change him.”
    ”Change him.” She took a breath, then said, ”I met him a few months ago. He drove himself in here, all beat up. I was covering in Emergency, and he was nice to me, sent me flowers for helping him. Then lunch, a drive to the beach. He...”
    When she didn’t continue, I said, ”Ms. Kelley?” She shook herself all over, like a dog just out of the water. ”Look, Mr. Cuddy. I can’t keep you from thinking what you want to think.”
    ”No more than you can keep Roy from doing what he wants to do?”
    ”I said, nothing more’s going to happen.”
    ”How do you know? What if next time it’s the wife?”
    ”Look, do you know...? I’m twenty-nine years old, and I feel like ninety-nine. I work myself to sleep five nights a week here. Six years at this place, and I still get Mondays and Tuesdays off. How are you supposed to meet people that way? I know Roy has other girls. Plus, my father hates him, hates him for what he’s doing to me. ‘A married man, Sheilah, your mother, God rest