Sweet Revenge: 200 Delicious Ways to Get Your Own Back

plotted revenge against the couple next door. For nearly two years she bombarded them with junk mail, sending off forms from newspapers and magazines filled in with their names, and blitzing them with mail order catalogues, booklets, information on double glazing, conservatories, book clubs and music clubs. Salesmen plagued them day and night, representatives arrived on their doorstep and a steady stream of goods had to be sent back. The final straw came when the victims found that they were being blacklisted as time-wasters and bad debtors by credit companies.
     

     
    The Rt Hon the Lord Stafford became upset when Beech Caves, at his home in Staffordshire, were continually being used for rave parties. In order to stop them he had fourteen tons of pig slurry dumped in the mouth of the cave. The ravers had the last laugh - what he hadn't realised was that the cave was directly upwind of his mother's house. She had a large houseparty at the time and was distinctly unamused.
     

     
    In Natick, Massachusetts, outside Boston, two neighbours had settled into a regular and lifelong feud. They deliberately upset each other and things finally came to a head. The wife in the yellow house went to answer the doorbell one day and was nearly shocked to death to find an undertaker, who had come, he said, to collect the body of her husband whom she had believed to be alive and well - and at work. She genuinely believed he must have been killed on his way to the office.
    Some time after this nasty event their neighbours received an entire truckload of wet cement on their doorstep. Unfortunately it had dried before they discovered it.
     

     
    A good Christian was always picking fights with his Jewish neighbour so, in retaliation against the gentile, the Jew sent him a card at Easter saying: 'I'm sorry we killed your God.'
     

     
    Deep in East Sussex two neighbours lived in peace and friendship... until the dog at 24 ate the rabbit at 26. It was four years before the neighbours spoke to each other again.
    Came the time of number 26's daughter's sixteenth birthday and the people at number 24 bought her a huge box of chocolates - she was a chubby little thing and renowned for her sweet tooth. Theywere having drinks

     
    together, and the 24s handed over their present with a few well-chosen words about how glad they were that they were all friends again. The birthday girl opened her present and, to their horror, they saw it was a box of chocolate bunnies. They truly had not realised when they bought it.
    They had to move house two months later because relations became so bad.
     

Road Hogs
     

     
    'He meditates revenge who least complains.'
    John Dryden, 1631-1700
     

Road Hogs
     
    The blonde was clearly wearing nothing under her fine silk shirt and Susie's fiancé could not take his eyes off her. Throughout dinner in the top London restaurant Caviar Kaspia, Susie had a lovely view of his back as he talked animatedly to the blonde and shared endless vodkas. Later, in Annabel's, he danced and laughed with her for hours. Susie ordered a bottle of the most expensive champagne on the wine list and put it on his bill, but even that did not bring him back down to earth - he continued to flirt and ignore her totally. As she sat at the table, Susie plotted how to get her own back.
    When it finally came to their departure, she smiled sweetly at him and said she'd had rather a lot to drink -would he mind driving home? She knew he had had far more to drink than she had. She also knew that one of his brake lights was not working, which greatly increased his chances of being stopped by the police. She chuckled to herself when she saw the blue flashing light in the rear-view mirror...
     

     
    A bus timetable clerk had encouraged drivers to run ahead of schedule, persuading them to go faster so that he could quit early and meet his girlfriend, but the inspector stopped him. To get his own back the clerk sent the inspector seven tons of horse manure, an undertaker with a hearse, a lorry-load of ready-mixed concrete, a repairman
    to deal with a fictitious gas leak and three tons of anthracite. He also sent a scrap merchant to collect a wrecked car from him and placed a newspaper advertisement to sell the inspector's car. Unfortunately, this sweet revenge resulted in the clerk being sent to jail for two months.
     

     
    A certain well-known rock 'n' roll star was waiting for a taxi in the Cromwell Road. It was a damp and unpleasant evening