Tales of the City 01 - Tales of the City

two.
    “Baby seals?”
    “Nope. I used to be into lots of things. Now I’m into this.”
    “That’s up front, anyway.”
    “Thank God for small favors.”
    “Hey … are you making fun of me?”
    “Hell, no. I just feel like I’m … applying for a position, that’s all.”
    She smiled again. “You are.”
    They both laughed. Brian decided it was time to take the initiative. “Look … I don’t have a room, but maybe we could … you know … go upstairs….”
    “I can’t handle the exhibitionism trip.”
    “Then maybe we could …”
    “It’s cool,” she smiled. “I’ve got a room.”

Hillary’s Room
    B RIAN WAS WRECKED, SHE WAS A GODDESS, A YOUNGER sister of Liv Ullmann, maybe … and Christ almighty, she had a room! The girl meant business!
    “I’m Hillary,” she said, closing the door. The room was no bigger than a walk-in closet.
    “You would be.”
    “Huh?”
    “It fits you. You fit it.”
    “You don’t have to compliment me. I’ve processed through all that.”
    “I meant it.”
    “What’s your name?”
    “Brian.”
    She patted a spot next to her on the bed. “Sit down, Brian.” She sounded oddly clinical, despite her nakedness. “Have you done this often?”
    “Come to the baths?” She couldn’t mean fuck.
    “No. I mean got it on with girls … women?”
    He flashed his best Steve McQueen grin. “A fair amount.”
    “How long have you been gay?”
    “What?”
    “It’s cool if you don’t wanna talk about it.”
    “Uh … I think you’ve made a mistake.”
    “Fine … whatever.” Her look was professionally compassionate. It irritated the piss out of him.
    “No, Hillary … not fine. I’m not gay, understand?”
    “You’re not?”
    “No.”
    “Then what are you doing here?”
    “I’m losing my mind! What am I doing here, she asks? What the fuck do you think I’m doing here?”
    “A lot of guys who come here are gay … or at least bi.”
    “Well, I’m not, got it? I have a well-rehearsed but limited repertoire.” Gently, he placed his hand on her leg.
    Gently, she removed it.
    “All of us are a little homosexual, Brian. You must not be in touch with your body.”
    “It’s not my body that I want to be in touch with!”
    “You don’t have to be macho all the time, you know.”
    “Who’s trying to be macho? I’m trying to get laid.”
    “Right. A heartless, mechanical exploitation of …”
    “Look …” He adopted a softer tone. “I don’t think you’re being entirely fair when you imply that I’m a male chauvinist or something. I mean, we’re equals, aren’t we? Look at us. You invited me to your room … and I accepted. Right?”
    She stared at the wall. “I thought you needed help.”
    “I do! Oh, God, do I need help!”
    “It’s not the same.”
    “Can I help it if I’m weird? I’ve had this perverse craving for women as long as I can remember.”
    “Don’t be so goddamn flip! You’re not any better than a gay person, you know.”
    “Did I say that, Hillary? Did I, huh? I like gay people. I accept gay people. Christ almighty, don’t make me say that some of my best friends are gay!”
    “I wouldn’t believe you if you did.”
    “Hillary, look …”
    “I think you’d better leave, Brian.”
    “Would you please just …”
    “Don’t make me call Frieda.”
    He stood up, retrieving his towel from the floor. He wrapped it around himself. She was at the door now, holding it open for him.
    “Once,” he blurted, “when I was twelve, this guy who was in my scout troop and I took off our …”
    “That doesn’t count,” she said.
    He stood in the doorway and watched wistfully as she pulled the door closed again.
    Venus reentering the clam shell.

Breakfast in Bed
    M ICHAEL WOKE WITH COTTONMOUTH.
    He slipped out of bed as quietly as possible and went to the bathroom, squeezing Aim onto his toothbrush and his sterling Tiffany toothpaste roller. He brushed with the door closed.
    When he tiptoed back to the bedroom, the shape under the sheets spoke to him. “You cheated.”
    Michael crawled back into bed. “I thought you were asleep.”
    “Now I’ll have to brush my teeth.”
    “No you won’t. I’m paranoid about my breath, not yours.”
    Jon threw back the covers and headed for the bathroom. “Well, there’s something else we have in common.”
    Mona knocked at the wrong time.
    “Uh … yeah … wait a minute, Mona.” Mona shouted through the door. “Room service, gentlemen. Just pull the covers