The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared

Prosecutor Ranelid. ‘The first is to you, Gunilla Björklund. Why did you go off and buy a bus a few days before you left – and why did you leave?’
    The previous evening, the friends had decided to keep Sonya out of it all. Just like Allan, she was on the run, but unlike Allan she had no citizen’s rights. She probably would not be regarded as Swedish and in Sweden, just like in most countries, you don’t count for much if you are a foreigner. Sonya would probably be deported or sentenced to life in a zoo or both.
    ‘It’s true that the bus was purchased in my name,’ said The Beauty, ‘but it was actually Benny and me who bought it together and we bought it for Benny’s brother Bosse.’
    ‘And he was going to fill it with bibles?’ Prosecutor Ranelid burst out. He was no longer capable of minding his manners and temper.
    ‘No, with watermelons,’ Bosse answered. ‘Do you want to taste the sweetest watermelons in the world, Mr Prosecutor?’
    ‘No, I don’t,’ Prosecutor Ranelid answered. ‘I want to bring some clarity to what remains of the story and then I want to go home and quickly get through a press conference and then I want to take a holiday. That’s what I want. And now let’s move on. Why the hell… umm, why on earth did you leave Lake Farm just when Per-Gunnar Gerdin arrived?’
    ‘But they didn’t know I was on the way there,’ said Per-Gunnar Gerdin. ‘Are you finding it hard to follow, Mr Prosecutor?’
    ‘Yes, I am,’ said Prosecutor Ranelid. ‘Einstein would find it hard to follow if he had to listen to this nonsense talk.’
    ‘Now that you mention Einstein…’ said Allan.
    ‘No, Mr Karlsson,’ said Prosecutor Ranelid in a firm voice. ‘I don’t want to hear what you and Einstein did together. Instead, I want Mr Gerdin to explain how the “Russians” come into the picture.’
    ‘The Russians?’ said Per-Gunnar Gerdin.
    ‘Yes, the Russians. Your deceased colleague Bucket talks of “the Russians” in your bugged telephone conversation. You complained that Bucket hadn’t called your pay-as-you-go phone, and Bucket answered that he thought that only applied when you did business with the Russians.’
    ‘That isn’t something I want to talk about,’ said Per-Gunnar Gerdin, mainly because he didn’t know what to say.
    ‘But I do,’ said Prosecutor Ranelid.
    There was silence around the table. The papers hadn’t mentioned the bit about the Russians in Gerdin’s telephone conversation, and Gerdin himself hadn’t remembered it. But then Benny said:
    ‘Yesli chelovek kurit, on plocho igraet v futbol.’
    They all stared at him.
    ‘“The Russians” refers to me and my brother,’ Benny explained. ‘Our father – may he rest in peace – and our Uncle Frasse – may he also rest in peace – were a bit red. So they made me and my brother learn Russian as children and friends and acquaintances nicknamed us “the Russians”. That was what I just said, but in Russian of course.’
    Like so much else this particular morning, what Benny had said had very little to do with the truth. He had simply tried to get Pike Gerdin out of a tight spot. Benny had almost completed a BA in Russian (he never handed in his final essay) but that was some time ago and all Benny could remember in a hurry was:
    ‘If you smoke, you won’t be much good at soccer.’
    But it worked. Allan was the only one there who understood what Benny had said.
     
    It was all too much for Prosecutor Ranelid: First, all these idiotic references to historic figures, and then people speaking Russian…
    ‘Can you explain, Mr Gerdin, how you were first rammed and killed by your friends, and then rose up from the dead and are now sitting here and… eating watermelon? And can I taste that melon, after all?’
    ‘But of course,’ said Bosse. ‘The recipe is secret though! Or as the saying goes: “If the food is going to be really tasty then you don’t want the Food Inspector watching you when you make it.”’
    That was not a saying that either Chief Inspector Aronsson or Prosecutor Ranelid had ever heard before. But Aronsson had once and for all decided to keep as quiet as possible, and Ranelid now wished for nothing more than to bring it all to a conclusion… whatever that was… and leave. So he didn’t ask for an explanation. Instead, he noted that the watermelon in question was the tastiest he had ever bitten into.
    Per-Gunnar Gerdin explained how he had come to Lake Farm just as