The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared

perhaps remember from earlier in my tale that that is what I had with me – a bottle of vodka – and, to be honest, not just one bottle but two, one shouldn’t tell untruths about less important details and anyhow who can judge what is more or less important in this tale, that is for you, Mr Pros —’
    ‘Go on!’
    ‘Yes, my apologies. Well, Mr Bolt calmed down when he realised there was roast elk and vodka on the menu. During the course of the late evening, he even decided not to burn the bibles in gratitude for the state of inebriation he had been afforded. Alcohol does indeed have its positive sides, don’t you think, Mr Pros —’
    ‘Go on!’
    ‘In the morning, Mr Bolt had the worst hangover. I personally haven’t been there since 1945 when I did my best to drink Vice President Truman under the table with the help of tequila. Unfortunately, President Roosevelt went and died that same day so we had to break off the party early, and that was probably lucky for me because I can’t begin to describe what my head felt like the next day. You could say I only felt slightly better than Roosevelt.’
    Prosecutor Ranelid blinked rapidly. In the end, his curiosity got the better of him:
    ‘What are you talking about? Were you drinking tequila with Vice President Truman when President Roosevelt died?’
    ‘Perhaps we shouldn’t get bogged down in details, or what do you think, Mr Prosecutor?’
    The prosecutor said nothing.
    ‘Mr Bolt was, in any case, not in a condition to help us pedal the inspection trolley when it was time to travel to Åkers Foundry the following morning.’
    ‘He wasn’t even wearing shoes, I understand,’ said the prosecutor. ‘How can you explain that, Karlsson?’
    ‘If you, Mr Prosecutor, had only seen what a hangover Mr Bolt had that morning… He could just as well have been sitting there in nothing but underpants.’
    ‘And your own shoes, Karlsson? They were later found in Julius Jonsson’s kitchen.’
    ‘Yes, I borrowed some shoes from Julius of course. If you are one hundred years old, you sometimes find yourself going out in slippers, as you’ll discover yourself, Mr Prosecutor, if you wait forty or fifty years.’
    ‘I don’t think I’ll survive that long,’ said Prosecutor Ranelid. ‘The question is whether I’ll survive this conversation. How do you explain that when the inspection trolley was found, a police dog could smell traces of a dead body?’
    ‘You tell me, Mr Prosecutor. Mr Bolt was of course the last person to leave the trolley, so perhaps he could have told us himself, if he hadn’t had the misfortune to die over there in Djibouti. Do you, Mr Prosecutor, think that I might be the origin of that smell? I’m not dead, that much is for sure, but I am dreadfully old… Can the smell of a dead person sort of come a bit early?’
    Prosecutor Ranelid was getting impatient. So far they had covered less than one of the twenty-six days. And ninety per cent of what came out of the mouth of the old geezer was pure nonsense.
    ‘Go on!’ said Prosecutor Ranelid.
    ‘Well, we left Mr Bolt sleeping on the trolley and went for a refreshing walk to the hot-dog stand, which of course was run by Per-Gunnar’s friend Benny.’
    ‘Have you also been in prison?’ asked the prosecutor.
    ‘No, but I’ve studied Criminology,’ said Benny quite truthfully, before making up a story about how he had once interviewed inmates in a big prison and had then met Per-Gunnar.
    Prosecutor Ranelid seemed to note something down again, after which he monotonously ordered Allan Karlsson to ‘go on!’
    ‘By all means. Benny was originally going to drive me and Julius to Stockholm so that we could give the suitcase with bibles to Per-Gunnar. But now Benny said he wanted to make a detour via Småland to see his fiancée, Gunilla…’
    ‘Peace be with you,’ said Gunilla and nodded towards Prosecutor Ranelid.
    Allan went on:
    ‘Benny was of course the one who knew Per-Gunnar best and Benny said that Per-Gunnar could wait a few days for the bibles, he didn’t think there was anything with a topical news value in them, and you have to admit he is right about that. But you can’t wait in all eternity, because when Jesus actuallyreturns to Earth then all the chapters on his imminent return become obsolete…’
    ‘Stick to the subject!’
    ‘Of course, Mr Prosecutor! I shall absolutely stick to the subject, otherwise things can go badly wrong. I probably know that better