The Accidental Florist

went to Shelley’s house as soon as Mel left. She explained about the rules she’d made for Addie’s wedding after the real wedding with just her own family and Shelley’s.
    Shelley said, “I’m so proud of you! You’d thought this all out and were ready. But where does Addie get her money? When she stayed here that Christmas, she was talking to someone about hauling around celebrities. That can’t be all that profitable.“
    “She only did that for two years,“ Jane explained. “Then she studied to be a Realtor. And stole all the richest people from everyone else. But there’s a payoff.“
    “What payoff?“
    Jane told her that Mel had already insisted that the two of them needed to attend four classes in Women’s Safety.
    “Why? We’re careful already. We don’t go out cruising bars in the evenings.“
    Jane explained Mel’s reasoning, and Shelley admitted he might have a good point. And it might even be interesting.
    While Jane was planning all she had to do before the wedding, she and Shelley went to take their first class in Women’s Safety. On the way, Jane said, “I e-mailed my dad that I was going to marry Mel and wanted them here. He e-mailed back, `Please tell me you’re not pregnant.’ He has a good sense of humor—he thinks.“
    The class was held on the ground floor of one of the buildings in a group of middle-class apartment buildings with what appeared to be a little-used community center in the middle of them. There were grocery stores, florists, and drugstores on the ground floors of a lot of them.
    Most of the class had already assembled. There were only seven of them at the meeting. The leader called them to attention. She was something of a surprise. She looked to be around fifty years of age, but Mel had referred to her as an old lady.
    Jane whispered this fact to Shelley. “We’re getting closer to being fifty ourselves.“
    “Never say that again,“ Shelley snapped. “She must be older than we think. Lots of plastic surgery until you look at the turkey skin on her throat.“
    The woman called the class to order. “I’m Miss Elinor Brooker Welbourne. And never call me Ms. Let’s get your first names sorted out.“
    Everyone obeyed in turn. Except the youngest, a girl of about twenty who was dressed in a long-sleeved blouse and jeans in spite of it being a hot afternoon. She said she was Sara Tokay.
    “All right. Show me your purses before we begin.“
    n odd request, Jane thought, but they all obediently complied.
    “Jane has the best. But you kept it under your chair. Don’t ever do that again.“
    “Why?“ Jane asked boldly.
    “Because it’s dangerous. Anybody behind you could have hooked it with their foot and gone through it.“
    This remark resulted in some outraged muttering from two of the other women. “As if we’d steal someone’s purse!“ one said.
    Miss Welbourne ignored this. “Purses are important. Jane’s has a long strap. But she should wear it crossed over her opposite shoulder and in front of her. Purse snatchers would be glad to take any of the other purses the rest of you brought with you.“
    She went on, “I have the names of two cobblers in Chicago who could install a flexible steel wire in the strap, so purse snatchers couldn’t cut through it with a sharp knife or box cutter. I’ll give you their names and addresses at the end of this session.“
    “That’s interesting,“ Shelley whispered to Jane.
    Miss Welbourne went on to explain about pickpockets. She said, “Always buy trousers, skirts, and jackets with pockets, preferably with button closures, and put your cash and one credit card in one front pocket. Leave the other credit cards behind in a safe place at home. Also put your driver’s license in your other front pocket. And never put a house key in your handbag or billfold. If you have a driver’s license in your purse, it gives them your home address and the key to your front door.“ She suggested
    as well that women who operated on largely a cash basis, only take along with them to the grocery store or a shop what they could afford to lose.
    “Leave the rest of your cash at home, well hidden. It would be a good idea to purchase a small, fireproof, waterproof safe and keep it somewhere it’s unlikely to be found easily.“
    Jane was sitting next to Shelley with Sara Tokay on her other side. Sara pushed her sleeve back to look at her wristwatch.
    “This is enough for you to absorb in this first meeting.