The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents

they wanted to come out, but they said they'd like to stay in there a bit longer, thanks all the same, although they'd like a drink of water and some fresh trousers.'
    'Was that all they said?'
    Sergeant Doppelpunkt pulled out his notebook. 'No, sir, they said quite a lot. They were crying, actually. They said they'd confess to everything in exchange for the fresh trousers. Also, sir, there was this.'
    The sergeant stepped out and came back with a heavy box, which he thumped down onto the polished table. 'Acting on information received from a rat, sir, we took a look under one of the floorboards. There must be more'n two hundred dollars in it. Ill-gotten gains, sir.'
    'You got information from a rat?'
    The sergeant pulled Sardines out of his pocket. The rat was eating a biscuit, but he raised his hat politely.
    'Isn't that a bit… unhygienic?' said the mayor.
    'No, guv, he's washed his hands,' said Sardines.
    'I was talking to the sergeant!'
    'No, sir. Nice little chap, sir. Very clean. Reminds me of a hamster I used to have when I was a lad, sir.'
    'Well, thank you, sergeant, well done, please go and-'
    'His name was Horace,' added the sergeant helpfully.
    'Thank you, sergeant, and now-'
    'Does me good to see little cheeks bulging with grub again, sir.'
    ' Thank you, sergeant!'
    When the sergeant had left, the mayor turned and stared at Mr Raufman. The man had the grace to look embarrassed.
    'I hardly know the man,' he said. 'He's just somebody my sister married, that's all! I hardly ever see him!'
    'I quite understand,' said the mayor. 'And I've no intention of asking the sergeant to go and search your larder,' and he gave another little smile, and a sniff, and added, 'yet. Now, where were we?'
    'I was about to tell you a story,' said Maurice.
    The town council stared at him.
    'And your name is-?' said the mayor, who was feeling in quite a good mood now.
    'Maurice,' said Maurice. 'I'm a freelance negotiator, style of thing. I can see it's difficult for you to talk to rats, but humans like talking to cats, right?'
    'Like in Dick Livingstone?' said Hopwick.
    'Yeah, right, him yeah, and-' Maurice began.
    'And Puss in Boots?' said Corporal Knopf.
    'Yeah, right, books,' said Maurice, scowling. 'Anyway… cats can talk to rats, OK? And I'm going to tell you a story. But first, I'm going to tell you that my clients, the rats, will all leave this town if you want them to, and they won't come back. Ever.'
    The humans stared at him. So did the rats.
    'Will we?' said Darktan.
    'Will they?' said the mayor.
    'Yes,' said Maurice. 'And now, I'm going to tell you a story about the lucky town. I don't know its name yet. Let's suppose my clients leave here and move down river, shall we? There are lots of towns on this river, I'll be bound. And somewhere there's a town that'll say, why, we can do a deal with the rats. And that will be a very lucky town, because then there'll be rules, see?'
    'Not exactly, no,' said the mayor.
    'Well, in this lucky town, right, a lady making, as it might be, a tray of cakes, well, all she'll need to do is shout down the nearest rat hole and say, "Good morning, rats, there's one cake for you, I'll be much obliged if'n you didn't touch the rest of them", and the rats will say "Right you are, missus, no problem at all". And then-'
    'Are you saying we should bribe the rats?' said the mayor.
    'Cheaper than pipers. Cheaper than rat-catchers,' said Maurice. 'Anyway, it'll be wages. Wages for what, I hear you cry?'
    'Did I cry that?' said the mayor.
    'You were going to,' said Maurice. 'And I was going to tell you that it'd be wages for… for vermin control.'
    'What? But rats are ver-'
    'Don't say it!' said Darktan.
    'Vermin like cockroaches,' said Maurice, smoothly. 'I can see you've got a lot of them here.'
    'Can they talk?' said the mayor. Now he had the slightly hunted expression of anyone who'd been talked to by Maurice for any length of time. It said 'I'm going where I don't want to go, but I don't know how to get off.'
    'No,' said Maurice. 'Nor can the mice, and nor can norma-can other rats. Well, vermin'll be a thing of the past in that lucky town, because its new rats will be like a police force. Why, the Clan'll guard your larders-sorry, I mean the larders in that town. No rat-catchers required. Think of the savings. But that'll only be the start. The will be getting richer, too, in the lucky town.'
    'How?' said Hauptmann the woodcarver, sharply.
    'Because rats will be working for them,' said