The Between Years

be judged. Moreover, he wanted to reunite him with the grandson he'd so adored.

    When (or if) Randy did that, he planned to ask for his dad's advice. He'd only had the first six months of Kenny's life to learn how to be a dad, and he hadn't had time to adjust to raising a four year old. If he could confide in only one man, that man was his father. Nevertheless, Randy froze at the notion of actually saying it to him, the way a person does not want to be the first to stand up in a prayer group.

    Randy finished the last of his ginger ale and listened to the tinny sound of his lips slurping the last of his drink from the can. Then he pounded it on the table and wiped his mouth with his hand. He had way too much to think about he decided. It was time to slow down. Complicated matters never worked themselves out naturally, yet he wanted to be optimistic. He decided he would enjoy the time he had with his son and untie the knots later. After all, he'd already missed out on three and a half years of his life.

    He checked his watch, saw the long hand reach for seven, and realized he hadn't even decided on dinner. A frozen meal could tide him over, but he remembered how seldom they agreed with his stomach. But truly, he wasn't hungry and hadn't been all day. In fact, he'd picked at his peanut butter sandwich and tomato soup at lunch, and hadn't thought about food again until now. He wanted to catch up on some sleep too, but he worried that it would be impossible.

    How could he be sure Kenny would show up tonight? He thought. The boy had proven that he had a mind of his own. Though he couldn't be sure, the scenario reminded Randy of being a kid at Christmas. His greatest gift awaited him and he felt electric with glee. How could anyone sleep? The minutes and seconds dragged on forever, but the wait had always been worthwhile. He would slip into bed, close his eyes and pray that he could hang on until his little boy returned. Then he would offer Kenny the gifts he'd bought him and he could behold his smile once more.

    The phone rang for the first time since Randy had moved in and he appreciated sounds in the house aside from his own footsteps. He even talked to himself occasionally to avoid the loneliness. Despite his short stay, he hadn't expected any calls. The power and water had remained in service, but he had expected the phone to be disconnected by now. The call wouldn't be for him though, he decided. It was probably a telemarketer without the good sense to know that his grandparents were dead. He'd had the same experience while living in his other grandparents' house.

    At first, he meant to ignore it. He was exhausted and worried that he'd snap at anyone he spoke to, but the shrill, grinding sound of Nana and Bupa's rotary phone grated on him. The cream-colored phone (yellowed with age) hung on the wall beside a mirror cluttered with family pictures. He listened to the phone ring eight times and would have let it continue had Nana and Bupa been ones for modern gadgets, including voice mail. Another ring; the caller was clearly persistent.

    So he stomped across the linoleum floor and yanked the phone off the hook. “Hello?”

    At first, he was met by silence.

    “ Hello?”

    “ Randy?” Carol's voice sounded weak, timid. “Please don't hang up. We really need to talk.”

    He switched the receiver to the other ear. “You want to talk? Fine. I'm listening.”

    “ Your dad told me where you went and gave me the number for the house. Sorry I had to do that. I tried your Blackberry but you never answered and, I dunno, I feel funny about leaving you a voice message. Too awkward and impersonal after everything that's happened.”

    She wasn't calling to apologize, he thought. Maybe that was too much to expect from a woman like Carol. He felt the intense urge to say something rude to her pulse through him, but he sucked in a deep breath and calmed himself. She was still his wife and the mother of his son and he was still a civilized human being.

    The part of him that knew he loved her as much as he ever had also helped keep his temper in check. That part left him feeling hapless, like she could take charge of this conversation at any moment, and made him raise his guard. In his opinion, their relationship was still solid, but needed to be reformed, so she could never make him feel the way she had ever again.

    “ Guess you've got your reasons for calling,” Randy said, “so go ahead. Speak.”

    Carol took a