The Between Years

later, he promised himself. A promise not to become consumed sounded much better.

    He wondered how many times co-workers (or bosses) had crisscrossed his desk to find him staring into his computer screen or sitting with his arms propped-up on his desk with his chin resting on his hands. Thankfully, he had only needed to work a few hours on the information desk, in which he'd struggled to appear alert. He didn't care to tell anyone about the trouble between him and Carol yet, and he hoped no one would notice the funk he was in.

    At home, Randy threw his coat over Bupa's recliner and searched the house for Kenny again. He called for him until he was hoarse, checked every room and closet, and prayed that Kenny would leap out at him. If he was old enough to fend for himself while Randy worked, he was old enough for a game of hide-and-seek.

    Kenny was also old enough to run and play outside and wrestle in the yard. Maybe they could play catch or kick a soccer ball around. He might even be old enough to start riding a bike with training wheels or, if the kid was a natural, no training wheels at all. Randy shut his eyes and sighed when he considered the possibilities. These thoughts had arrested his imagination for the day.

    Troy Spellman, who he'd befriended in his school-and who'd fathered his first child before they'd graduated-once told him that each age brought surprises, but that each age was special. Randy had witnessed the sparkle in his son's eyes at age four and was enraptured by the sweetness in his voice. And what an intelligent little boy he was! What tender surprises would the next age bring?

    Then he stopped in the middle of the living room and wondered again about how he would keep Kenny a secret from Carol. Then he would consider how he would raise Kenny and keep him a secret from everyone else. He had imagined being a single dad would be a trial, he just hadn't anticipated it being impossible. While at work, he agonized over what trouble Kenny would find at the house. He could easily walk into danger without an adult presence. Arrangements would need to be made for his care, which meant someone would have to know. How he would explain the ordeal was another matter.

    For now, he decided to wait and see what tonight brought. But why should he wait until tonight? He wondered. If Kenny was in the house, he would have shown his face by now. But his intuition told him that he should have faith that he would find his son. Kenny was no ordinary little boy. He came and went as he pleased, and Randy struggled to accept that their father/son rules would be different.

    If Kenny showed up tonight, he would touch him once more, just to make sure he was real then he would phone Carol. He would need to swallow his pride, and he would have to sound like a lunatic, but he would trudge through the pain and humiliation because he'd made Kenny a promise. And if he knew anything about kids, it was that they never forgot when someone made a promise.

    On the other hand, he resented Carol so intensely he nearly spit the bitter taste out of his mouth. He wasn't used to feeling that way and he hated having tense muscles, a splitting headache, and angry thoughts because nothing productive came from them. But she was the one who had made life so difficult, the one who had turned a simple marriage into a web of confusion, and who hadn't bothered to phone him since he'd walked out. As far as he was concerned, she was responsible for catching up with him, not the other way around. If not for his promise, he wouldn't bother with her at all.

    Besides, Kenny had appeared to him and not Carol, which must count for something. But that came as no surprise to Randy. He had developed and nurtured a bond with the boy in the time they'd spent together before he'd died, and he knew they would enjoy great adventures ahead.

    Also, Randy believed in the importance of a child being raised by two parents for practical reasons, not to mention balance. Little boys were full of energy and needed constant attention. But sometimes exceptional circumstances arose which meant taking unorthodox action. Randy decided he would assume both roles in order to raise Kenny.

    Still, a promise was a promise. The first tenet of responsibility he would teach Kenny was how to make and keep a promise. To survive in the adult world, one must be accountable and he wanted his boy to learn that virtue at a young age. And he'd made no promise to Kenny that he couldn't