The Between Years

with our lives.”

    “ Can't do that. Not now anyway.”

    “ What's gotten into you? The Randy I know and love would never be this difficult.”

    “ I don't know.” Randy combed his fingers through his hair. “I just know I can't come back to our house yet. I've got a job to do and it's here. I can't go back on my promises even if I wanted to.”

    “ What the hell do you mean you've got a job to do?”

    Randy stepped several paces forward but was lassoed back by the phone cord.

    If he told her about Kenny now, she would certainly think he was crazy, even if she never said it. That would give her all the advantage she would need in a divorce if she ever wanted one. He decided he should distance himself from the woman until he had jockeyed himself into a position in which he could bring her to Kenny.

    “ I think we need to take a break . . .” Randy himself couldn't believe he'd said it. “ . . . a break from each other. I'm not talking about a split, just something temporary.”

    “ For Christ's sakes Randy, taking a break sounds like something teenage couple do when they get bored with each other. If that's the case, what the hell does that make us?”

    “ I dunno, Carol. I just feel like our lives have changed so much and we just aren't the same people anymore.”

    Dead silence. For the first few speechless moments, Randy had some idea what Carol might be doing on the other end. She might be drumming her fingers on the table while she cooked up a sly rebuttal. On the other hand, she might be twining her hair around her index finger the way she did when she was deep in thought. Nevertheless, he heard nothing, she said nothing, and that very nothingness knocked him off balance. Then she finally broke into tears, which struck him like a dagger to the midsection.

    In their entire relationship, he'd only seen her cry out of distress once and out of joy a few other times, their wedding ceremony included. His first instinct was to apologize immediately, but he decided he would stick to his guns this time. Not because he was the man either, but because strong people stuck to their principles. Kenny should learn how to be consistent, even if he was proven wrong, he decided.

    Despite that, he knew he must be firm and to make sure she couldn't just weasel her way into forgiveness. He'd come out on the short end of enough 'peaceful' conversations' with her that way. As much as he didn't want to seem difficult, he saw little other choice.

    “ I don't know how we're going to be productive like this,” she said.

    “ I just need to decide where I'm at with my life and we'll see where we go from there. I'm not saying I want a divorce, I'm saying I need a little time on my own to iron everything out.”

    “ Randy, I can't believe you're being this-”

    Randy slammed the phone back on the hook before he had to listen to another word. If anything, their conversation was unproductive and he didn't want Kenny to hear him arguing with Carol. Not if the fight escalated anyway. He didn't want Kenny to think that hanging up on people was the right answer either, but it saved him from raising his voice to her.

    Then the phone rang. That woman just wouldn't quit. He turned to face the phone and even considered answering it but he turned away and stuck his pinkies in his ears. He felt ready to crack the way he had after so many discussions with Carol, but he refused to break.

    Decisions must be made and he thought sealing them would be impossible, the way he doubted he could choose between one of his children. He was still bound by love for Carol, that he would gladly admit, but somehow this decision didn't seem so hard. After a moment's thought, he managed to settle. He decided that the decision wasn't truly final and that he could reverse it if he saw disaster on the horizon.

    He unplugged his ears. The phone continued to ring. Randy grabbed the cord and yanked it hard enough to tear the wire off and leave the plastic plug jammed into the jack. The ringing had stopped, which meant more to him than anything. The argument was over unless Carol decided to hop in the car and drive over (and he hoped to God that she wouldn't). He could switch his Blackberry off and would have no one to bother him.

    His eyes feeling heavy as boulders, he realized that the past few days' events had finally caught up with him. He couldn't let himself feel so tired with so much to do. He leaned against the kitchen wall and closed his