The Between Years

moment to respond. “Honestly Randy, I'm trying to make amends. I'm reaching out here. I don't want to have another fight because we know how productive that is. That's what led to you storming out of the house like some sort of mad man, isn't it?”

    “ Reaching out, huh? I figured you were calling to ask for a divorce or something.”

    Carol sighed. “I don't want anything like that. You're the one who walked out on me, remember?”

    Randy could have checked down the list of variables that had led to his walking out, but even reflecting on them made his muscles tense up, and his headache return. Randy Fuller was not an angry person and he had no desire to morph into one. Irrational behavior was nothing he aspired to either, so he sucked in a deep breath and calmed himself. “Fine. If that's the case, what do you want?”

    “ We haven't gone more than a day without talking to each other in years. Now it's been two going on three. I at least want to keep in touch with my husband, but I want to talk you into coming home if you'll at least listen.”

    “ Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you, but you've got to understand where I'm coming from too.”

    In his opinion, Randy had considered Carol's feelings above his own since they'd begun dating, and he felt no guilt in caring about himself this time. Nevertheless, he wanted to be careful what he said and how he said it. If Kenny was anywhere in the house, he might overhear him, and he didn't want to wind up trapped into inventing an explanation. Besides, he needed to set a good example for his son, and he was determined to sparkle.

    He would speak to Carol the way a mature adult speaks to their spouse, even when times are rough, so Kenny could learn how to solve problems peacefully. If he were listening, he would know that his dad meant to make good on his promise too.

    “ I'm gonna try,” Randy finally said. “I can't promise I'll be able to, but try to understand that I'm trying like crazy.”

    “ The problem as I see it is that you're not really over Kenny yet. Neither of us is, and we need to take it slow. I know how much you loved him, and I did too, but if we're going to be parents again, we can't try and replace the child we had. That isn't fair or healthy for a child we're bringing into the world and it won't be healthy for us.”

    “ And that means doing some of the things you did? Some of the things you said.”

    Randy heard silence on the other end, which he fully anticipated. He reflected on the nights when she'd frozen him out, rejected him, but he refused to let his blood boil. She had continued to use the pill even on the nights when they hadn't made love, which seemed to increase in the weeks and months that had followed Kenny's death. He would kiss her neck, her cheeks, and when she didn't respond, he would ask her for sex directly. Sometimes she would say, “Maybe tomorrow night” but other times she treated him with silence. He would lie on the other side of the bed with his hands on his chest, feeling his dick wilt as she pretended to fall asleep. This he did because he loved and cherished her.

    At the beginning of the marriage, the cold shoulder treatment was unheard of. Being long-time sexual partners, they didn't paw at each other with the fervency of newlyweds who had waited until they'd tied the knots for a roll in the hay, but he would have given their sex life a clean bill of health. If she wasn't in the mood, she always gave a reason. Not that Randy was a sex fiend, but being rejected without a reason made him feel like an inferior partner in their marriage.

    Still, she would greet him with a kiss at the breakfast table every morning to show him some semblance of affection. If not for that, he would have questioned if her feelings for him had changed.

    “ I can't defend everything I've ever said or done,” Carol said, “But I am willing to apologize for the things I've done wrong. I'm sorry if I hurt you, I'm sorry if I wasn't more sensitive to your feelings, but you've got to meet me half-way too. So, the ball's in your court.”

    “ What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

    “ It means we need to start ironing out our problems. There's plenty of blame to go around here, so we shouldn't waste time pointing fingers. Now I'm game. The decision is yours.”

    Randy exhaled through his nose. “My family needs me here right now.”

    “ And your wife needs you to come home so we can pick up the pieces and move on