The Between Years

fact of the matter. He wondered if Kenny had been open about it, or if he was learning about this for the first time. And if he'd known, how had he reacted?

    Randy instantly felt ashamed because he realized that his opinion of Kenny had changed in a split second. Not that his feelings for the boy that slipped into the doldrums, but he knew that he now regarded him differently than he had, even during the angriest and worst of times.

    And why? He would never have predicted that he would feel this way, but he couldn't deny that it was true. He'd never felt any animosity towards gay people before. In fact, he'd vehemently supported gay marriage when it had passed in Canada, not to mention gay adoption rights. He'd always joined gay rights groups on Facebook, but he understood that this situation was different. He knew that he couldn't handle it because it was his own son.

    Just then, he heard footsteps behind him, but he didn't have enough time to stuff the magazines back in the drawer and slide it shut. His heart sank again. When he glanced over his shoulder, he saw Kenny storm into the room, and his shoulders drooped.

    “ Holy shit, Dad, how many times do I have to tell you I don't like you snooping through my room?”

    Before him stood what Randy thought of as the spitting image of himself from ten years ago, right around the time he'd met Carol. He was a very attractive young man if he did say so. Randy supposed Kenny was about eighteen years old and had lost all of the weight that he'd packed on. Thank God, Randy thought. Now he only needed to work on the smoking. He wore a royal blue dress shirt and black slacks as if Randy had dressed him himself.

    For Randy, the hardest part of this situation was having to admit that the kid was right: he shouldn't have snooped through his room and he knew no defense to use. Therefore, he would consider the boy's intelligence and not bullshit him, because he would smell it from a mile away.

    Kenny planted his hands on his hips. “And just where the hell did you find those?”

    Randy set them down on the desk. “I won't lie to you, Kenny. I found these because I was snooping and I shouldn't have been. So I'm sorry.”

    “ Oh, you're sorry, eh? You won't sorry for the way you blew up on me the first time you found out about my little secret. Were you sorry about not wanting to have dinner with me and my 'friend'?”

    “ I'm sorry?” Randy couldn't have known who or what Kenny was talking about, and his mouth dropped open.

    “ Trevor! His name's Trevor, but I know you're not so big on calling him by his first name.”

    “ I don't want to say I'm sorry again,” Randy said. “I've said it enough. I really mean it, but I know you're too smart to hear it that much. You have to realize that I can't defend everything I've ever said or done, so how 'bout we call a truce, huh?”

    “ Truce my ass, Dad. You've been trying to find a way to weasel out of everything you've done wrong for a long time. But I'm going to put my foot down and put an end to it so you can't hurt me or mom anymore.”

    “ Your mother? Let me tell you something, I've done everything I can to make things right with her. Really, I have. If you want to be mad at me for that, then I guess I'll just have to live with that. And if you want to be understanding the way grownups should be then I'll explain it to you some more.”

    “ No, because that hasn't stopped you from trying to hurt me or to understand that I'm trapped. But do you understand? Have you even tried to understand?”

    “ Of course I have Kenny, and-”

    “ Cut the bullshit, Dad! I haven't seen mom since I was a really little boy. And every time I ask about her, you make it sound like you're trying to protect me or something.”

    “ Kenny, that's what good father's do and I-”

    “ You always had to make mom the bad guy no matter what. And you've made how I live my life sound like a choice instead of me just doing what I need to do to be happy.”

    “ Of course you should do what makes you happy,” Randy said. “I wouldn't have it any other way. Really.”

    Kenny stared at Randy with what he thought was a hybrid of disbelief and disgust.

    “ I don't want anything to do with this anymore. I'm through.”

    And with that, Kenny stormed past him for the second time in as many days, and slammed the door behind him. Randy chased him into the hall, but he had already disappeared.

    Back into the walls.

    “ Come on Kenny,