The Between Years

don't do this!” He peered into the hole and shouted. “You know I never meant to do anything to hurt you!”

    But like with so many other things, he couldn't be so sure, but he knew he must do everything possible to set a suitable example. He would struggle with himself to set his own prejudices aside to accept Kenny as he was.

    Prejudiced was a word Randy hated to apply to himself. He again reflected on his change in feelings towards Kenny when he'd found the magazines. He'd always considered himself to be a tolerant, understanding and progressive person, but when it had come to his own son, he simply couldn't deal. Even the idea of him having a special friend crawled under his skin. To admit that some small part of him really was bigoted frightened him. He wanted to believe that he knew himself inside and out, and that he knew what was in his heart, but learning of Kenny's sexuality taught him that maybe he didn't.

    Maybe the surprise had caused those feelings, he thought. Even when Kenny had been a baby, Randy had envisioned the day when Kenny would leave the nest, and had even daydreamed about the girl he would marry. Now that the reality would be different, he had simply been too surprised to respond with sensitivity. He decided that he would accept Kenny as he was because nothing was worth losing his son.

    Most of all, he couldn't shrug off Kenny's remarks about how trapped he felt, and how badly he longed to be free. That had caught his attention far more than the magazines. Kenny was suffering inside, in a world that was forcing him to grow up too quickly, and Randy meant to stop it.

    Randy was determined to free his son.

CHAPTER 28
    Randy had a new excuse for having bloodshot eyes: he'd now been awake for more than thirty six hours, and there was no chance of rest in sight. After Kenny had stormed out on him again, he'd returned to his spot on the floor, hugged his knees, and stared at the wall. If he waited long enough, Kenny might come out, he hoped. But he wouldn't let himself fall asleep, no sit. If Kenny came out again between now sunset, he was determined to catch him.

    And what would he do if he showed his face? He prayed that Kenny would come out so he could lead him as far away from this house as possible. He could help nurse his emotional wounds and take him to see his mother. Those walls had held Kenny hostage since he was a baby, refusing to let him move on. And they'd held Randy hostage just the same, because they wouldn't let him move on either.

    Let this cup pass from my lips, he thought. If only he could do this the easy way. He shuddered when he considered the alternative. However, he would follow through as he had promised himself last night, which was to do anything necessary to free his son. In doing so, he hoped he would be freed as well.

    First thing that morning, he'd taken the time to close every blind and curtain in the house so the neighbors couldn't see him. If he wanted to pace back and forth, or just sit there and stare at a hole in the wall, he was free to do it without fear of reprisal. He thought about draping towels over the mirrors as well so he wouldn't have to look at himself. Making and keeping a promise should have felt better than it did.

    The library would be calling soon. He hadn't told them that he wouldn't be in to work today, not because he didn't care to, but because if they spoke to him directly, he would be able to tell them nothing but the truth. He felt like he simply couldn't lie about his condition or his plans. And being so forthright would cause much more concern than pulling a no call - no show at work. That would get him a slap on the wrist. The truth would land him in a mental hospital at best.

    In the hours that had passed since Kenny had walked out, he'd had time to devise a plan, but he needed to build up the nerve to actually do it. He compared it to a skydiver who needed that extra blast of courage to leap out of the plane, or a person holding a razor above their wrist who needs more chutzpah in order to break the skin.

    To finish this job, he would need to hope that Bupa still had enough tools in his basement. And, if he didn't, there was always a shed in the back yard-assuming vandals hadn't looted it. What he needed could be impossible to find, just like when his dad had sent him to find wrenches and screwdrivers as a kid. In any event, Randy would finish this job even if he must use his bare hands.

    His Blackberry buzzed in his