The Charm School

Strange lettering on signs, fantastic-shaped buildings, and the sky above the city always tinged with that eerie red glow, and I think I’m on Mars sometimes.”
    Hollis looked at Alevy a moment. “Why don’t you take the next spaceship back?”
    Alevy smiled self-consciously. “Oh, I will. Another year or so.”
    Hollis wanted to tell Alevy that if he kept baiting them he wouldn’t last another year. But he didn’t want to say that with them listening. And Alevy knew that anyway.
    Alevy shouted. “
Yeb vas!
”
Fuck you.
    A window on the top floor of the apartment house across the street opened, and a man called down in English, “Fuck you, Jew.”
    Alevy laughed and shouted back, “
Sosi khui, chitai Pravdu budesh komissarom
,” which Hollis translated as something like “Suck cocks and read
Pravda
, and you’ll become a commissar.” Hollis said, “Let’s go, Seth.” He took Alevy’s arm.
    Alevy pulled away. “No.” He took another swallow from the bottle and handed it to Hollis. “Here. Get drunk and think of a good one. You know the one about… how does it go…? KGB men never go out with girls, they just live with Mary Palm.” Alevy made a jerking motion with his cupped hand.
    “Seth…” Hollis could see that Alevy was quite drunk by now, and there was no talking to him. This was apparently Alevy’s monthly catharsis, and Hollis had learned to respect people’s intermittent periods of insanity here.
    A second voice from the window called down in English, “Who’s the other fag with you? Is that Hollis?”
    Hollis thought he recognized Igor’s voice. Hollis took a pull from the bottle and shouted back in Russian, “I saw your mother on her knees in Gorky Park trying to make the rent money!”
    Alevy roared with delight. “That’s a good one.”
    The insults flew through the snowy night for fifteen minutes. Hollis, who was feeling somewhat drunk himself now, had the vague thought that this East-West meeting should have been on a higher plane, but Alevy and the two Russians seemed to be happy with their ritual. Hollis said to Alevy, “Has the ambassador spoken to you about this?”
    Alevy finished the brandy and let the bottle drop in the snow. “Fuck him.” Alevy staggered to the open roof hatch and gave a parting wave. “
Spokoiny nochi!
”
    The Russians both shouted back, “Good night!”
    Alevy climbed unsteadily down the ladder.
    Hollis looked back at the apartment building and saw the two men waving. One shouted in English, “Have a safe journey home, Sam.” They both laughed.
    Hollis didn’t think they sounded any more sincere than Burov.

 
23
    Hollis stood among the packing crates, glass in hand, trying to find the one with his liquor in it. The big furniture was still in place, and the German movers, with Teutonic efficiency, had left some necessities unpacked until the last day. Thus the bathroom was largely intact, and he had three days of clothing available, plus some odds and ends in the kitchen. But they hadn’t left a bottle of scotch out. He found a fiberboard crate marked
Alkoholische Getränke
that looked promising. He tore open the lid and rummaged through the Styrofoam filler, finding a bottle of Chivas. He poured a few ounces into his glass and went into the kitchen for ice. He looked at his watch, waited for noon, then took a swallow.
    Hollis heard the front door open and assumed it was Lisa, since she had asked for and gotten a key. He went to the top of the stairs and saw the Kellums coming toward him. Dick Kellum smiled. “Oh, hi, Colonel. We didn’t expect you in.”
    Hollis returned the smile. “Not much to do in the office.” He stepped aside as the Kellums came into the living room.
    Ann Kellum, carrying a bucket of cleaning things, said apologetically, “We can come back another time.”
    “No, Mrs. Kellum, you can give it a once-over.”
    She looked around. “Oh, they’ve got you all boxed up.”
    “Pretty much. Just hit the bathrooms and kitchen, if you would.”
    Dick Kellum, also carrying a utility bucket, walked over to the boxes. “You speak German, Colonel?”
    “No, I don’t, Dick.”
    “You know, sometimes I wonder what the Russkies think of us getting German movers, sending sick people to Finland and England, flying in Europeans to fix things in the embassy. They’ve got to be a little insulted. Right?”
    Hollis thought,
You tell me, Ivan.
He said, “They don’t insult easily.” He looked at the Kellums. They were