The Class Menagerie

Jane with the bad news just before eight o’clock. “I have yet another favor to ask.“
    “Hit me,“ Jane invited.
    “Somehow Paul’s mother managed to track him down in Singapore—God knows how she does it!— and told him she was having chest pains. As if he could do anything about it from there.“
    “Oh, no. Is she all right?“
    “Of course she’s all right. They took her to the emergency room, she threw up some sardines or whatever ghastly thing she’d eaten, and they sent her home. But Paul’s frantic. His sister Constanza is staying at my house and just called to say he’s calling me back at three in the morning to see how she is.“
    “Can’t Constanza just tell him she’s okay?“
    “Yes, and I’m sure she has. But Constanza is well-known in the family as the kind of overbearing busybody who keeps things from people for what she considers Their Own Good. I know he’s calling back because he doesn’t know whether to believe her or not. I have to be at home when he calls, Jane, and I promised Edgar I’d stay here tonight to keep an eye on the Ewe Lambs.“
    “Why? They’re grown women.“
    “But I’m the hostess. I think Edgar has horrific visions of somebody wanting a tampon in the middle of the night or something.“
    “So you need me to stay in your place?“
    “Would you? Could you? I’ll take your kids to my house... for the next couple of years if you’d like.“
    “No, they can stay alone. Mike’s there and responsible. But I’ll have to go home first and put out any family forest fires that have broken out during the evening.“

    Edgar insisted on walking Jane to her car and seeing that she was safely locked in before she left. She rolled the window down an inch and said, ‘“Dinner was wonderful, Edgar. I’ll be back in twenty or thirty minutes. You’ll survive this visitation.“
    He laughed. “I know I will. I once catered a convention of farm equipment salesmen. After that, life’s easy.“
    Jane went home and was astonished to discover that the kids had cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. Her sixth grade son Todd had even gone to bed without being told. A worrisome thing. She went into his room, scuffling her feet gingerly to avoid stepping on Legos in her bare feet, and felt his forehead. No fever.
    Katie was on the upstairs hall phone, which was strictly forbidden after ten, and quickly hung up when Jane glared at her. She flounced off to her room. Jane followed her and inquired if there had been any messages for her during the evening, even though she knew it would have been impossible for Mel to get through Katie’s talkfest. Out of self-defense, Jane was going to have to get Katie her own phone line. She explained to Katie that she was going back to the bed and breakfast, but would return early to help get everybody off to school. Jane’s son Mike was sitting in a nest of paperwork on the living room sofa with MTV blaring in the background. Jane turned the sound down. “What’s all this, college stuff again?“
    “Geez, Mom, if you knew enough to fill in all these application forms and scholarship requests, you wouldn’t need to go to college. How about I just go to plumbing school?“
    “College first. Then plumbing school for postgraduate work.“
    “What am I going to do about letters of recommendation?“
    “What do you mean? You’ve got several good ones. Your band teacher, the manager of the grocery store where you worked last summer, your uncle—“
    “Yeah, but they aren’t anybody important. Scott’s got one from his uncle who’s a state senator. My uncle’s just a pharmacist. Don’t we know anybody important? Maybe Grumps knows some big deal in the State Department?“
    “Your grandfather knows everybody in the State Department, but they don’t know you .“
    “So? All I need is their stationery,“ he said with a grin.
    Jane laughed. “You’ll do fine with what you’ve got, honey. With your test scores and your grades, any college would be nuts to pass you up.“
    “Aw, that’s Mom Talk.“
    “That’s what I’m for,“ Jane said. She explained the revised plan for the night. “You better get to bed.“
    Jane helped him get his papers straightened up, then let Willard the Cowardly Dog out one more time before she went up the steps with Willard panting at her heels and Max and Meow weaving around her feet. The cats loved it when Jane went up to bed, apparently because it meant the next thing she’d do would be to