The Class Menagerie

trying to find the shopping channel, and Kathy was inflicting some tirade on Shelley. Kathy’s broad, enthusiastic gestures set her breasts jiggling and swaying in her T-shirt in a way that Jane found both fascinating and horrifying.
    “...and if we then use our right to vote in a way that satisfies our deeper conscience and sends a message to the politicians that—“
    “Excuse me, Shelley, Edgar wants to know something about your dinner plans,“ Jane interrupted brutally.
    Shelley leaped to her feet like a jack-in-the-box. “Of course!“
    “Where are the Johns around here?“ Kathy asked.
    “There’s a bathroom with each bedroom,“ Jane said. “Oh, all right! We’ll finish this discussion later, Shelley,“ she threatened, heading off toward the stairs.
    Shelley sank back into her chair. “That was a lie, wasn’t it? About Edgar wanting to talk to me?“
    “Sure. So, how’s it going?“ Jane asked quietly.
    “No firearms have been discharged—yet. That’s about the best you can say for it. I must be getting credit in heaven for this, mustn’t I?“
    “I wouldn’t count on it,“ Crispy said from across the room. She had miraculous hearing. She flipped off the television and came to sit with them. “Sorry I didn’t rescue you myself,“ she told Shelley. “And I’m sorry about Kathy. I was really looking forward to seeing her. All that social consciousness was endearing in high school, but so tiresome now.“
    As she sat down, carefully adjusting her short skirt and silk-clad legs, Avalon drifted into the room carrying a small leather purse with a long, woven strap. She held it awkwardly, as if it weren’t hers.
    “What’s the matter, Avalon?“ Crispy asked.
    “It’s my purse. It’s all full of someone else’s stuff.“
    “Whose?“
    “I don’t know.“
    She extended the bag to Crispy, who wasn’t shy about snooping. She pulled out a billfold and flipped it open. “Pooky,“ she said. “God, if my driver’s license looked like that, I’d give up driving for good. Poor old Pooky.“
    Jane went to the kitchen door. Beth had joined the kitchen crowd, Mimi had disappeared, and Pooky was standing at the butcher block workstation flipping through a magazine. “Pooky, where’s your purse?“ Jane asked her.
    “Upstairs, I think.“
    “Would you mind getting it?“ In a few minutes Pooky came in looking spooked. “It’s full of your things. Knitting stuff,“ she said to Avalon. “How did that happen? Where are my things?“
    Crispy upended Avalon’s purse on the coffee table. Beads, fabric scraps, little wads of yarns, and tiny scissors fell out. “Recognize anything?“
    They sorted out their belongings while Jane and Shelley exchanged puzzled, and slightly alarmed looks. “One of your Ewe Lambs is a practical joker,“ Jane said quietly.
    “I don’t like this, Jane.“
    “What’s not to like?“ Jane said. “You’re in a house, full of women on the brink of menopause, some of whom appear to have come here for the single purpose of tormenting each other, and there’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing in the bunch.“
    “Will you stop the puns?“
    “I’ll try, but they’re pretty hard to avoid.“

    As Jane was helping Edgar clear the table after dinner, he called for everybody’s attention. “Ladies, I’ll be locking the house up like Fort Knox on the dot of ten-thirty. If you’re going out after that, let me know now, and I’ll give you a key. Otherwise, you’ll have to wake up the whole house to get back in. And I’m a pretty cranky housemother if I have to come down all those stairs after I’ve gone to bed.“
    “How peculiar,“ Lila mused out loud. “To secure a house that doesn’t even have locks on the bedroom doors.“
    Edgar drew himself up, offended. “We were not due to open until next month. The locksmith couldn’t get here in time for your visit.“
    “What difference does it make?“ Crispy demanded of Lila. “We were originally supposed to stay at Shelley’s house and she probably doesn’t have locks on the bedroom doors either.“
    “Is anybody going out?“ Kathy asked. She’d actually put on a bra under a shapeless tent of a dress for dinner. Her idea of dressing up, Jane supposed.
    They glanced around at each other, nobody admitting to having any plans to go out.
    Jane, picking up dessert plates, smiled to herself. She was the only one who would have the privilege of leaving tonight.
    Or so she thought.

- 6 -

    Shelley hit