The Dinosaur Feather

didn’t want children.
    ‘For the second time I grew convinced that telling you the truth was the right thing to do,’ she said. ‘Knud and I had lunch in town and he was clearly shocked when I brought up the accident again. At first, he didn’t want to talk about it; you promised, he said. But then I asked him if he had ever considered that there might be a link between it and the fact that you didn’t want children. It made a deep impression on him. After all, he really wanted some great-grandchildren,’ she smiled and Søren felt a spot in his heart glow red hot.
    ‘And suddenly it made sense to both of us. There had to be a connection. When we parted that day, I felt confident, but very nervous. We had made a decision. I had no idea how you would react, or how furious you would be with Elvira and Knud, whether I should tell you that I already knew or pretend that I didn’t . . . We had to plan it down to the lastdetail, I decided. Knud had promised to call once he had spoken to Elvira.
    ‘Only he never called back. It was one of the worst weeks of my life. I grew more and more angry and desperate. I was so fed up with your stubborn, no-nonsense attitude and deeply hurt that you wouldn’t even consider having children with me. I slept in the living room and every morning when I woke up, I wanted to rip your head off. Knud still hadn’t called, but it no longer mattered, I told myself.
    ‘That Sunday we went to have lunch with them, as we always did, and that’s when I realised why Knud never called me . . . That bloody illness,’ Vibe burst out and stared blankly into space before she continued.
    ‘The grotesque part was that I met John in the middle of it all. When Knud died, I was in love. I visited Knud two days before he died, when he was deteriorating rapidly, but he still had plenty to say. For the first time ever, he begged me directly.
    ‘Please don’t tell him, Vibe. Let it rest. Give my boy peace. He’s hurting so much. Give him peace.’ I held Knud’s hand and I was consumed with doubt. Perhaps he was right? You were only just coping; Knud was right, I had never seen you in such pain. Why would I hurt you even more? I was so confused: did silence equal peace? I still don’t know. But I just couldn’t do it. Defy Elvira’s wish, defy Knud who was about to die, and push you into an abyss where none of us could foresee the consequences.’
    ‘Does John know?’ Søren demanded.
    ‘Yes, he does.’
    Søren groaned.
    ‘Why now?’ he asked.
    She waited a little. Folded her hands around her stomach.
    ‘When you called today and said you wanted to talk to me about something important, I thought you might have found out. There’s not much on the Internet, but there’s a bit. Besides, the old microfilms are still available, in regional archives and at the central library. You might have become suspicious and searched the archive yourself. After all, you’re a detective,’ she laughed. ‘Perhaps you had decided to investigate your family history, what did I know? But I prepared for the worst. And . . .’ Her face crumpled. ‘Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined it would be something so awful. That you had a daughter and that she died. You poor man,’ she said suddenly. ‘You poor, poor man.’ She uttered the words so tenderly and when she embraced Søren, he rested his head on her shoulder. She smelled warm and familiar, her huge belly was bursting with life and she stroked his hair for a long time. John came back. Søren got up and the two men had an awkward hug. Vibe felt uneasy about Søren going home.
    ‘You can sleep on the couch,’ she assured him.
    But he wanted to go home. ‘I’m okay,’ he said.
    When Søren woke up Saturday morning, he was angry. He was angry while he ate his breakfast, angry while he showered. He was angry when he stopped off at Bellahøj police station to switch cars, and angry when he reached Herlev Church for Professor Helland’s funeral. He sat in the back row watching Anna, Professor Freeman, Mrs Helland and the other two hundred mourners. His anger didn’t abate until the service started. Helland’s coffin was covered with colourfulflowers. The roar of the organ opened the floodgates of his thoughts and he almost calmed down during the sermon, watching the backs of Anna’s and Freeman’s heads, one more stubborn than the other.
    Maja’s funeral had been the worst day of his life, he had thought at the time. He had arrived late