The Dinosaur Feather

visitor had said, ‘And I thought you were such a lovely family.’
    Anna knew she meant no harm, but she exploded with anger and screamed at the woman.
    ‘We still are. With or without Thomas.’
    The health visitor had apologised, Anna burst into tears and Lily refused to play with the coloured balls.
    Feeling a little saddened, Anna flicked through Lily’s child-health record book, scared to stir up memories that might upset her. The teething, the endless nights when Anna pacedup and down with her inconsolable baby so as not to disturb Thomas, on the brink of insanity from exhaustion, yet simultaneously more ecstatic than she thought possible. Lily had gained weight, the numbers recorded for posterity in the health visitor’s neat handwriting. Anna ran her fingertips over all the new skills Lily had acquired.
    Anna’s own child-health record book from 1978 was orange, the paper slightly furry, and the tone more businesslike than in Lily’s. Curious to know more, Anna leafed through it. She had started crawling when she was eight months old, and she took her first steps two days after her first birthday, she read. The health visitor recommended cod-liver oil and hardboiled egg yolk, and had written down how positive it was that Anna ate meat and fruit. There had to be a second book, Anna thought, as she looked through it. Record-keeping in the one she was looking at now had begun in September 1978, when Anna would have been around eight months old, and ended in January 1979.
Anna says ‘oops’ and ‘no’
, it read. Anna smiled. The name of the health visitor, Ulla Bodelsen, was neatly printed on a dotted line.
    She got up, went to her computer and searched the telephone directory for Ulla Bodelsen. She got two hits. An Ulla Karup Bodelsen who lived in Skagen and an Ulla Bodelsen, listed as living in Odense. She noted down both numbers and sat for a while looking at the note, before she put it aside.
Anna says ‘oops’ and ‘no’
echoed inside her head. She stared at the photograph again. The mouths of Cecilie and Jens were smiling, but Anna’s smile was the only genuine one. She was three years old in the picture and had no hidden agenda. Just like Lily.
    It was almost one o’clock in the morning when Anna went to bed. For the first time in days, she slept a sound, untroubled sleep.
    When she woke up Thursday morning, she was cold. She lit a fire, turned up the radiators, made porridge and put far too much sugar on it.
    ‘Yummy,’ Lily said, skilfully scalping the porridge with her spoon. ‘More sugar, please.’
    Anna sprinkled a little more into her bowl and rubbed her nose against the back of Lily’s neck.
    ‘I’ll pick you up early today,’ she whispered.
    ‘I want to go to Granny’s,’ Lily declared. Anna sat down at the table and looked into Lily’s eyes.
    ‘No, Lily, you’re not going to Granny’s today.’
    ‘Granny makes pancakes,’ Lily argued.
    ‘You can have pancakes here,’ Anna said. ‘With ice cream.’
    ‘Ice cream,’ Lily exclaimed, overjoyed, and looked in the direction of the freezer.
    ‘Not now, Lily. This afternoon,’ Anna replied.
    ‘No, ice cream now.’
    Anna sighed, found another bowl and scooped two hard balls out of a tub. Lily hoovered up the contents of the bowl and wanted more. In the end, Anna had to carry her howling daughter into the hall and put her into her snowsuit. But suddenly, Lily threw her arms around Anna.
    ‘You’re my mum,’ she said.
    Anna was touched. ‘And you’re my cuddle bunny,’ she replied, softly.
    ‘Bloppen is coming with me to nursery,’ Lily declared.
    ‘Then go and find him.’
    While Lily rummaged around her bedroom, Anna zipped up her jacket and thought about Johannes, who had still not called, and then about the man who had come to see her last night. It had to be Johannes, who else could it have been? The World’s Most Irritating Detective would surely have shown his ID. Anna sent Johannes another text.
    Johannes darling. Please call me. I’m really sorry about yesterday. I’m sorry that I shouted at you. By the way, did you stop by last night? Please call!
    Anna remembered the note with the telephone numbers for the health visitor. It was still lying next to the computer and she stuffed it in her pocket.
    ‘Come on, Lily.’ She called down the hallway to Lily’s room.
    Lily was dawdling. Anna waited on the landing and called out again.
    ‘Lily, come on.’
    At that moment she heard a security chain