The Distance Between Us

restaurant. The one I thought had called me a stray. I’m beginning to think Xander covered for him. “Yes. Hi.” I lean into the bar and order bottled water and a soda.
    When the bartender turns around to fill my order, Robert asks, “Did Xander get you in here tonight?”
    I narrow my eyes. Now that Xander’s not here I don’t feel the need to be as polite. “No. I know the band. How did you get in?” I pick up my drinks from the counter.
    Robert laughs and gives me a once-over. “I see the appeal. You have great . . . eyes. When Xander gets bored of slumming it with you we should get together.”
    I never thought I had the dumping-soda-on-someone-purposefully instinct, but sure enough my hand reacts automatically. But he has instincts, too. Probably born from a lifetime of people wanting to dump soda on him. His hand darts out and grabs my wrist.
    “Not a good idea,” he tells me, a few drops of soda spilling over the side. “This shirt cost more than your monthly rent.”
    “Too bad you had to sell your soul to afford it.”
    “Everything okay?” Mason comes up from behind, wrapping his arms around my waist.
    I’m just about to murder someone is all. “Let’s go.”
    “You get around,” Robert calls after me. It takes everything in me not to throw the glass at him, soda and all.
    “Who was that?” Mason asks as we walk away.
    “Nobody worth ever thinking about again.”
    Only I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s Xander’s friend . Is that how Xander acts when I’m not around? I’m seething.
    “Caymen?” Mason takes my bottled water from me and grabs my hand. “Do I need to beat that guy up?”
    I hold on to him tightly. “No. Not worth it,” I tell myself again. But I know this isn’t about Robert anymore. And I’m trying to decide if that advice still applies.

Chapter 26

    T he next night I decide I need to finish up the website I had been slowly putting together over the last few weeks. I pull the pictures up on the computer. Unfortunately for me, along with the dolls, all the photos of Xander from the hotel room photo shoot open as well. Even in a photo his smile has a softening effect on me.
    I scroll through them, lingering on the ones where I had made him laugh. In that magazine picture of him with Sadie Newel he hadn’t even been smiling. She probably can’t make him laugh. I let out a frustrated grunt. Who cares, Caymen? He is with her. I try to delete the pictures of him but can’t bring myself to do it. Instead I group all the doll pictures into a file and open that so I don’t have to look at Xander’s amber eyes anymore.
    I add names and prices beneath the dolls.
    “Is that a new ordering site?” my mom asks, coming into the kitchen.
    “No.” I smile. I had planned on surprising her when the site was all finished, but it’s getting close and I need to make up for the attitude I’ve been giving her lately. I switch from the pictures to the website layout. “I’ve been working on something for the store.”
    She positions herself behind me. On the screen is a banner that says, “Dolls and More.” I had thought about taking out the “and more,” but it feels like tradition now. And maybe we could add “more” once it gets up and running. I scan down a little to where it has my mom’s name and her contact information. “I want to add a picture of you here. Maybe we can take one out front or something next to the window display.”
    “What is this?” she asks.
    “It’s a website I’m designing for the store.” I put my hands out to the sides and say, “Surprise,” in a false screaming voice.
    “A website.” Her voice is low and even.
    “It’s going to be great, Mom. It will pump up our business, get us more sales. It’s the next step to our growth.”
    “No.” That’s all she says and then turns and rounds the counter into the kitchen.
    I’m confused. “No?”
    She pulls down a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water from the tap. “I don’t want a website.”
    Even though we don’t have cable or cell phones or even a newer computer, it’s not because my mom thinks technology is the devil or anything. It’s really just because we can’t afford it. “It’s cheap, Mom. Less than twenty dollars a year for the domain name and I can run it. You could even run it once we get it going. It’s really easy and—”
    “I said no, Caymen. I don’t want it.”
    “Why?”
    “Because I said so.”
    “That’s not an