The Distance Between Us

up?”
    “I had to. I might need a kidney one day.”
    He laughs.
    “When I was twelve I read this story about some guy who hadn’t seen his father in years and then he ended up getting cancer. His father was a bone marrow match. Saved his life.”
    Xander stares at me for so long I start to feel uncomfortable. “You don’t have to be on your deathbed to reach out to your father, you know.”
    I rub at my forearm. “He walked away from my mom.”
    He nods slowly. “You feel like wanting to see him means betraying your mother?”
    I look up at the light but another tear escapes anyway. “He left her.”
    “Her relationship with him doesn’t have to define yours.”
    “He left me, too.”
    “I’m sorry.” He runs the back of his knuckles along my cheek. “And what about your mom? Why is her possible pregnancy so devastating?”
    “You think I’m overreacting?”
    “I did not say that at all. I know I’d be upset if it were my mom. I just don’t want to project my reasons onto you. Tell me what’s going through your head.”
    “I’m angry and hurt and ashamed all wrapped together into one emotional mess. I just don’t believe she would do this again.” I pull my knees up onto the chair and turn sideways to face him. “I feel guilty and selfish for wishing a person out of existence but I don’t want this change.”
    “You’ll work through those feelings. You’ll melt when you hold the baby in your arms.”
    “No, I won’t. I don’t like kids and kids don’t like me. We’ve come to this general consensus long ago.”
    He smiles. “Well, at least you have a long time to get used to the idea.”
    “If it’s true.” I sigh and squeeze my eyes closed.
    His thumb makes small circles on the back of my hand. “It’s so nice to have you here. In my house. You should come here every day.”
    I laugh. “I’m best in small doses. Speaking of, I should probably get going. We have school tomorrow.”
    “No way. You have to stay at least another hour.” He pulls me into the chair with him. “Thanks for talking to me. I know it’s hard for you.”
    I rest my forehead against his. “Thanks for listening.”
    “We still on for tomorrow night?”
    Tomorrow night? Oh! Career night. My mom supposedly going to the business association meeting. There is no way I’m going to miss that now. “We’re still on.”
    “And what about tonight?” he asks, wrapping his arms tightly around me.
    My stomach seems to take flight without me. “What about tonight?”
    “What should we do for the next hour?”
    I pretend to consider. “Work on your website?”
    “Ha-ha.”
    I make my face serious, which is hard considering the smile that wants to take up permanent residence there. “No, really, you should get it done.”
    He tilts his head, studying my face. “Are you being serious?”
    “No,” I say against his lips.

Chapter 33

    I open the shop door while holding the bell steady and yank Xander inside.
    “What the—?”
    “Shh.” I listen for several heartbeats to make sure my mom didn’t come back inside through the back door. She had just left . . . late. I had told Xander to come at six thirty, a whole half an hour after she was supposed to leave, but as the minutes ticked by I realized it would be a close call. It actually worked out better this way because now we can follow her. Before, I was just thinking we’d have to find her.
    When I finally take a breath and look up at Xander, he’s staring at me in the dark room. I have one hand on his chest and have him pushed up against the wall just inside the store. My breath falters.
    His breath shouldn’t smell so familiar already. I let it wash over me, closing my eyes. Then I feel his lips brush against mine. I want to get lost in his kiss but I know we don’t have time.
    “Come on.” I grab on to the front of his shirt, pull him to the back door, then open it a crack. Luigi’s is one block behind us, and I see my mom round the corner at the end of the alley.
    “Caymen,” Xander says from behind me. “Can you fill me in here?”
    “A little detective work. Private investigators or something.” I reach into my back pocket and pull out the few pictures I had taken of Matthew with Xander’s camera. I’d printed them out. The quality is really bad since our printer is ancient, but the image is clear enough.
    “What am I looking at?”
    I slip outside and he follows. “I need to find out everything there is to know about that