The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

noticed in my own experience: when making friends, you’ll find it easier to befriend someone who is already the friend of a friend. “Triadic closure” helps explain why I enjoy my kidlit book group and my writers’ groups so much. Friendship thrives on interconnection, and it’s both energizing and comforting to feel that you’re building not just friendships but a social network.
     
    The end of June marked the halfway point in my happiness project year, and I took some time to ponder my progress beyond my usual end-of-month assessment. I’m a big believer in using milestone moments as cues for evaluation and reflection. As I’d seen in my own life, and as many blog readers noted in various comments, a milestone such as a major birthday, marriage, the death of a parent, the birth of a child, the loss of a job, an important reunion, or the accomplishment of a career marker such as getting tenure or making partner (or not) often acts as a catalyst for positive change.
    Evaluating myself at the six-month milestone for my happiness project, I confirmed that yes, I was feeling happier. When I asked myself what resolutions had contributed most to my happiness, I realized again that, far more than any particular resolution, my Resolutions Chart was the key element of my happiness project. Constantly reviewing my resolutions kept them fresh in my mind, so that as I went through my days, the words of my resolutions flickered constantly in my mind. I’d see my messy desk and think, “Tackle a nagging task.” I’d be tempted to leave my camera at home and I’d think, “Be a treasure house of happy memories.”
    Keeping a Resolutions Chart was an idea that lots of people found appealing, as I discovered after I added this note at the bottom of my daily blog posts:
    Interested in starting your own Happiness Project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me.
    Over the next several months, hundreds of readers requested a copy.
    ----
    I ’m a college freshman and I think your charts will help me be happier and maybe also stay more on top of my work.
     
    In addition to wanting to try something like this myself, my husband and I are going to create a month of resolutions together about Focusing on Our Marriage.
     
    Please would you send me your resolutions list. I am a probation officer in London and I need to nail it to my wall, paste it gently on the ceiling in my head, and be mindful of there being ANOTHER WAY!
----
    When asking for a copy of my charts, many people noted that they were starting their own happiness projects, and several sent me their own versions of my Twelve Commandments. These lists of personal commandments fascinated me, because they gave such a rich sense of the diversity of people’s experiences:
    Forget the past.
    Do stuff.
    Talk to strangers.
    Stay in touch.
    Stop the venting and complaining.
    Go outside.
    Spread joy.
    Never bother with people you hate.
    Don’t expect it to last forever.
    Everything ends and that’s okay.
    Stop buying useless crap.
    Make mistakes.
    Give thanks: for the ordinary and the extraordinary.
    Create something that wasn’t there before.
    Notice the color purple.
    Make footprints: “I was here.”
    Be silly. Be light.
    Be the kind of woman I want my daughters to be.
    Shit happens—count on it.
    Friends are more important than sex.
    Choose not to take things personally.
    Be loving and love will find you.
    Soak it in.
    This too shall pass.
    “Be still, and know that I am God.”
    Remember, everyone’s doing their best all the time.
    Get a hold of yourself, Meredith!
    Imagine the eulogy: how do I want to be remembered?
    Expect a miracle.
    I am already enough.
    Let it go, man.
    Light a candle or STFU.
    Recognize my ghosts.
    What do I really, really, really want?
    Help is everywhere.
    What would I do if I weren’t scared?
    If you can’t get out of it, get into it.
    Keep it simple.
    Give without limits, give without expectations.
    React to the situation.
    Feel the danger (many dangers—saturated fat, drunk driving, not making deadlines, law school—don’t feel dangerous).
    Start where you are.
    People give what they have to give.
    Be specific about my needs.
    Let go, let God.
    If you’re not now here, you’re nowhere.
    Play the hand I’m dealt.
    Own less, love more.
    One is too many; a hundred aren’t enough.
    Nothing too much.
    Only connect.
    Be a haven.
    It was amusing to see that some people’s