The House of Hades (Heroes of Olympus Book 4)

Neptune’s feet, just above Leo’s head.
    ‘If we had a secret lair,’ said Red Fur, ‘I would want a firehouse pole.’
    ‘And a waterslide!’ said Brown Fur, who was pulling random tools out of Leo’s belt, tossing aside wrenches, hammers and staple guns.
    ‘Stop that!’ Leo tried to grab the dwarf’s feet, but he couldn’t reach the top of the pedestal.
    ‘Too short?’ Brown Fur sympathized.
    ‘You’re calling
me
short?’ Leo looked around for something to throw, but there was nothing but pigeons, and he doubted he could catch one. ‘Give me my belt, you stupid –’
    ‘Now, now!’ said Brown Fur. ‘We haven’t even introduced ourselves. I’m Akmon. And my brother over there –’
    ‘– is the handsome one!’ The red-furred dwarf lifted his espresso. Judging from his dilated eyes and his maniacal grin, he didn’t need any more caffeine. ‘Passalos! Singer of songs! Drinker of coffee! Stealer of shiny stuff!’
    ‘Please!’ shrieked his brother, Akmon. ‘I steal
much
better than you.’
    Passalos snorted. ‘Stealing naps, maybe!’ He took out a knife – Piper’s knife – and started picking his teeth with it.
    ‘Hey!’ Jason yelled. ‘That’s my girlfriend’s knife!’
    He lunged at Passalos, but the red-furred dwarf was too quick. He sprang from his chair, bounced off Jason’s head, did a flip and landed next to Leo, his hairy arms around Leo’s waist.
    ‘Save me?’ the dwarf pleaded.
    ‘Get off!’ Leo tried to shove him away, but Passalos did a backwards somersault and landed out of reach. Leo’s trousers promptly fell around his knees.
    He stared at Passalos, who was now grinning and holdinga small zigzaggy strip of metal. Somehow, the dwarf had stolen the zipper right off Leo’s trousers.
    ‘Give – stupid – zipper!’ Leo stuttered, trying to shake his fist and hoist up his trousers at the same time.
    ‘Eh, not shiny enough.’ Passalos tossed it away.
    Jason lunged with his sword. Passalos launched himself straight up and was suddenly sitting on the statue’s pedestal next to his brother.
    ‘Tell me I don’t have moves,’ Passalos boasted.
    ‘Okay,’ Akmon said. ‘You don’t have moves.’
    ‘Bah!’ Passalos said. ‘Give me the tool belt. I want to see.’
    ‘No!’ Akmon elbowed him away. ‘You got the knife and the shiny ball.’
    ‘Yes, the shiny ball is nice.’ Passalos took off his cowboy hat. Like a magician producing a rabbit, he pulled out the Archimedes sphere and began tinkering with the ancient bronze dials.
    ‘Stop!’ Leo yelled. ‘That’s a delicate machine.’
    Jason came to his side and glared up at the dwarfs. ‘Who
are
you two, anyway?’
    ‘The Kerkopes !’ Akmon narrowed his eyes at Jason. ‘I bet you’re a son of Jupiter, eh? I can always tell.’
    ‘Just like Black Bottom,’ Passalos agreed.
    ‘Black Bottom?’ Leo resisted the urge to jump at the dwarfs’ feet again. He was sure Passalos was going to ruin the Archimedes sphere any second now.
    ‘Yes, you know.’ Akmon grinned. ‘ Hercules . We called him Black Bottom because he used to go around without clothes. He got so tanned that his backside, well –’
    ‘At least he had a sense of humour!’ Passalos said. ‘He was going to kill us when we stole from him, but he let us go because he liked our jokes. Not like you two. Grumpy, grumpy!’
    ‘Hey, I’ve got a sense of humour,’ Leo snarled. ‘Give me back our stuff, and I’ll tell you a joke with a good punch line.’
    ‘Nice try!’ Akmon pulled a ratchet wrench from the tool belt and spun it like a noisemaker. ‘Oh, very nice! I’m definitely keeping this! Thanks, Blue Bottom!’
    Blue Bottom?
    Leo glanced down. His trousers had slipped around his ankles again, revealing his blue boxer shorts. ‘That’s it!’ he shouted. ‘My stuff. Now. Or I’ll show you how funny a flaming dwarf is.’
    His hands caught fire.
    ‘Now we’re talking.’ Jason thrust his sword into the sky. Dark clouds began to gather over the piazza. Thunder boomed.
    ‘Oh, scary!’ Akmon shrieked.
    ‘Yes,’ Passalos agreed. ‘If only we had a secret lair to hide in.’
    ‘Alas, this statue isn’t the doorway to a secret lair,’ Akmon said. ‘It has a different purpose.’
    Leo’s gut twisted. The fires died in his hands, and he realized something was very wrong. He yelled, ‘Trap!’ and dived out of the fountain. Unfortunately, Jason was too busy summoning his storm.
    Leo rolled on his back as five