The House of Seven Mabels

percent is peanuts. A downright insult.“
    “So what do we ask for?“
    “Why not twenty-five percent?“ Shelley said with a grin. “And be willing to come down to— oh, maybe twenty. Maybe even seventeen and a half?“
    “What’s this stuff going to cost?“ Jane asked.
    “Thousands and thousands of dollars. Have you priced wallpaper recently?“
    “To my sorrow, yes. My disastrous front hall. Remember? And it was so dark when it went up on the wall that I had to buy a very expensive light fixture that would take a hundred-and-fifty-watt bulb without burning down the house.“
    “We’ll have to have a hefty advance,“ Shelley continued, not even mentioning the outrageous figure it had cost to recarpet her guest room in a good Berber.
    “According to this silly contract,“ she went on, “we’re to be reimbursed for the goods and our fee is paid on the first of every month. That’s unacceptable. We need a good five thousand dollars up front. And then there’s this other clause that’ll make you laugh. If we provide something unacceptable, we have to take it back ourselves. No way. Imagine having a sofa delivered and having to cram it back in my minivan, or pay someone to haul it away?“
    “But won’t Bitsy go see the choices we’ve made beforehand? The ultimate decisions should be hers.“
    “Nope. Except for paint chips, fabric samples, and such that we can bring to the project site. We’re to provide digital pictures of everything big. At our own expense. Do you know what a digital camera costs?“
    “But you already have one, don’t you?“
    “I do,“ Shelley said with indignation. “But that’s not something Bitsy knows. Why should she assume we’re willing to invest in one for her convenience?“
    “On the whole, I don’t like this,“ Jane said. “I never have.“
    “I’m not crazy about the idea, I have to admit,“ Shelley said. “But we have nothing to lose by up-ping the ante. If she turns down our demands, we’re home free and haven’t lost anything but a little of our time. If she caves, we stand to have some fun out of shopping for this stuff and make tons of money for the pleasure. Jane, we have the upper hand here. That’s what we have to keep in mind. This is just a first-try contract, to find out if we’re stupid enough to accept it. But we’re neither stupid nor desperate. And we’ve got time on our side.“
    “Why?“
    “She won’t be ready for furniture for months.
    Gives us lots of days to just hang out watching the work, pretending to take notes, deciding if we want to do this, while the clock is ticking for Bitsy. Sooner or later, she’ll have to agree to our terms or look for someone else. Or, God help her, do the shopping herself.“
    Jane pushed her plate toward the side of the table and sighed. When Shelley got the bit in her teeth, there was no stopping her.
    Shelley took a sip of her soup. “Ugh. It’s awful and it’s cold already. Let’s go home and maybe we can get together this evening after you’ve read through this carefully.“
    Jane was happy to abandon her choices of food as well. The macaroni and cheese must have been made from dried skim milk and the cheapest artificial cheese it was possible to purchase.
    After she had fixed Todd, Katie, and herself a good dinner, Jane told the kids to load up the dishwasher and put away the leftovers. Then she went to her bedroom to study the contract. She was as disappointed as Shelley had been. The terms weren’t good. What was more, it wasn’t even written properly. There were words spelled wrong. Some of the conditions weren’t even stated in full sentences. Bitsy had apparently pieced this up herself with no guide at all. And she didn’t even know the difference between it’s and its. All of the pronouns were feminine gender.
    Jane wasn’t normally a fanatic grammar cop, but the contract made her wonder if Bitsy wasn’t downright stupid. Or simply too stingy to consult an attorney to draw up a contract.
    Either choice was scary.
    As she reached for the phone to call Shelley, it rang.
    “Have you read it yet?“ Shelley asked.
    “It’s awful. There are sentence fragments about important things that don’t even make sense,“ Jane said.
    “That’s not all that’s wrong,“ Shelley said. “May I come over and show you something else I’ve discovered?“
    Shelley turned up minutes later with wads and rolls of paperwork. She had fire in her eyes. Even her hair was in