The Last Letter from Your Lover

to a fire escape. ‘Let’s go out on the stairs.’ He wrestled with the door, and then they were in the chill night air, Jennifer gulping it as if to quench a great thirst. Below them she could see the street, the odd car’s brake-lights.
    ‘I’m soaked!’ He pulled at his shirt. ‘And I have absolutely no idea where I left my jacket.’
    She found herself staring at his body, now clearly outlined by the damp fabric, and made herself look away. ‘Fun, though,’ she murmured.
    ‘I’ll say. Didn’t see old Larry dancing.’
    ‘He doesn’t dance,’ she said, wondering how she could say this with such certainty. ‘Ever.’
    They were quiet for a moment, staring out into the darkness of the city. In the distance they could hear traffic, and behind them the muffled sounds of the party. She felt charged, breathless with anticipation.
    ‘Here.’ Reggie took a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one for her.
    ‘I don’t—’ She stopped herself. What did she know? She might have smoked hundreds. ‘Thank you,’ she said. She took it gingerly, between two fingers, inhaled and coughed.
    Reggie laughed.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, smiling at him. ‘I appear to be hopeless at it.’
    ‘Go on anyway. It’ll make you light-headed.’
    ‘I’m already light-headed.’ She felt herself colour a little.
    ‘Proximity to me, I’ll wager,’ he said, grinning, and taking a step closer to her. ‘I wondered when I’d get you alone.’ He touched the inside of her wrist. ‘It’s pretty hard speaking in code, with everyone else around.’
    She wondered if she’d heard him correctly. ‘Yes,’ she said, when she could speak, and her voice was filled with relief. ‘Oh, God, I wanted to say something earlier. It’s been so difficult. I’ll explain later, but there was a time . . . Oh, hold me. Hold me, Bear. Hold me.’
    ‘Glad to.’
    He took another step forward and put his arms around her, pulling her close to him. She said nothing, just trying to absorb how it felt to be in his arms. He brought his face to hers, and she closed her eyes, ready, breathing in the male scent of his sweat, feeling the unexpected narrowness of his chest, wanting to be transported. Oh, but I’ve waited so long for you, she told him silently, lifting her face to his.
    His lips met hers, and just for a moment she thrilled to their touch. But the kiss became clumsy, overbearing. His teeth mashed against hers, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth so that she had to pull back.
    He seemed untroubled. His hands slid over her buttocks, pulling her so close that she could feel him pressed against her. He was gazing at her, eyes dulled with desire. ‘You want to find a hotel room? Or . . . here?’
    She stared at him. It must be him, she told herself. Everything said so. But how could B feel so – so altered from what he had written?
    ‘What’s the matter?’ he said, seeing some of this pass across her face. ‘Too cold for you? Or you don’t want a hotel – too risky?’
    ‘I—’
    This was wrong. She backed out of his embrace. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t think . . .’ She lifted a hand to her head.
    ‘You don’t want to do it here?’
    She frowned. Then she looked up at him. ‘Reggie, do you know what “deliquescent” means?’
    ‘De-li – what?’
    She closed her eyes, then opened them again. ‘I need to go,’ she mumbled. Suddenly she felt horribly sober.
    ‘But you like playing away. You like a bit of action.’
    ‘I like a bit of what ?’
    ‘Well, I’m hardly the first, am I?’
    She blinked. ‘I don’t understand.’
    ‘Oh, don’t play the innocent, Jennifer. I saw you, remember? With your other fancy man. At Alberto’s. All over him. I knew what you were saying to me earlier, making that reference to it in front of everyone.’
    ‘My fancy man?’
    He inhaled on his cigarette, they stubbed it out sharply under his heel.
    ‘So that’s how you want to play it, huh? What is it? Do I not measure up because I didn’t understand some stupid word?’
    ‘What man?’ She had hold of his shirtsleeve now, unable to help herself. ‘Who are you talking about?’
    He shook her off angrily. ‘Are you playing games with me?’
    ‘No,’ she protested. ‘I just need to know who you saw me with.’
    ‘Jesus! I knew I should have gone with Mo when I had the chance. At least she appreciates a man. She’s not a – a prick-tease,’ he spat.
    Suddenly his features, flushed and angry,