The Misadventures of the Laundry Hag 00 - Swept Under the Rug

me out for tonight. I keep waiting to wake up, you know?”
    I nodded and patted his hand. He had gone through a painful break-up a few years back, the guy decimated his heart and drained his bank account, and Leo’s confidence was still in recovery. Having Calamity Jane as a best friend was helping with the problem. It’s hard to feel down when you’re laughing your ass off and he got to go to sleep at night with the thought, life could always be worse, I could be Maggie.
    Though Maggie got to sleep with Neil, and that made up for a great deal, humiliation-wise. Ah, life’s little balms.
    “You’re starting to drool, what on Earth are you thinking about?”
    “Nothing,” I mumbled and flushed to the roots of my hair. The Baptist in me hated getting caught thinking about sex.
    Leo gave me a once over, then smiled in comprehension. “You two are so darn cute, like puppies.” He sighed. “ That’s what I want from a partner, you know? That total, I think about you all day long, can’t wait to come home at night kind of relationship.”
    “You’ll find it.” I reassured him.
    “Well, it’s too soon to tell with Richard.” The light of hope in his eyes contradicted his down-to-Earth words.
    “Where are you boys going tonight?”
    “The theatre, I think. There’s a new play opening and I mentioned it a few dozen times to Richard.”
    “So dish,” I hopped off the stool and scrounged in the pantry for a snack. I came up with a box of butterfly crackers and the ingredients for cucumber dip. “What does Richard do? What’s his last name?” I was so focused on him, that I poured too much dip mix into the sour cream.
    “Shoot.” Leo hip-checked me out of the way and took over. He’s lucky I don’t have control issues.
    “He and a family member are renting the upstairs living space while waiting for their new house to close. Do you have any cream cheese to cut this with?”
    “In the dairy drawer. A family member?”
    Leo cleared his throat and muttered something incomprehensible under his breath.
    “What was that?”
    “His mother.”
    Eek! “Please tell me he’s not one of those…,”
    Leo gave me the squinty-eyed glare of death. “One of those whats?”
    “Mama’s boys.”
    Leo puffed his chest out like a blowfish. “Is it wrong that a man will help his mother during a time of transition? I happen to think it’s sweet.”
    Rain on his parade, why don’t ya . “Leo…I didn’t mean anything by it.” I stomped my judgmental harpy back into her snarky box and pasted a docile expression on my face. “So what’s his last name?”
    “Head,” Leo didn’t make eye contact as he stirred the dip. All that exercise must have shorted my brain because it took me the pace of five heartbeats to put it together.
    “You’re going out with a man named Richard Head,” I stated slowly to make sure.
    “I knew you’d be like this!” Leo slammed the serving spoon onto the counter and stormed out of the house. Sour cream and dip mix had been catapulted into my coffee and I watched the disgusting little white blobs congeal for a moment, wondering what just happened.

Three

    “ I s this really necessary?” I whined at Neil from the passenger’s seat. We were on our way to meet with Dr. Robert Ludlum PH.D, the marriage counselor. This was worse than facing the sit-up machine at the gym. Having never sought psychological help before, I had no idea what to expect and was freaking out, though I hid it well.
    My handsome husband didn’t bat an eye. “You tell me, Maggie.”
    Uh oh. He’d Maggie-ed me; this was some serious stuff all right. “Marriage counseling is for couples who fight all the time. We hardly ever fight.”
    He snorted.
    “We don’t.” I insisted. “Yelling is just how I communicate. No one hears me otherwise.”
    Neil pulled into an angled parking slot and shut off the engine, but made no move to exit the car. “Are you happy?”
    “Do you mean right at this moment, or in the grand scheme of things?” I stalled for time, wondering what had gotten into him. Typically he oozed confidence, but now that I thought back on it, he’d been kinda weird ever since my brush with death.
    Neil scowled at me and opened his door, and I sat, wondering if this downhill crap-fest would ever end. I wanted to take a nap and pray that when I woke up everyone would be back to normal. Before I sunk into a catatonic state, Neil opened my door and extended his hand to me. His gentlemanly