The Misadventures of the Laundry Hag 00 - Swept Under the Rug

business.”
    Neil rolled his eyes. “Like she could make that work. She’s a social pariah, just ask my mother. She tries to involve Maggie in the world, but my wife can’t see beyond the end of her nose. It’s one crazy scheme after another, with never one thought to sense and what’s best for our family. For me.”
    Dr. Bob’s eyes were as big as duck eggs. “I see. Would you like to respond to your husband’s statements, Maggie?”
    It’s not real; he’s playing the role of Markus. Even as sense whispered it, I sat stunned at the bile that had spewed from Neil’s mouth. This was like my worst nightmare, my husband underscoring all of my deficiencies and attacking me for them. I needed a moment and while Dr. Bob gestured me onward, Neil, the real Neil, picked up on my conundrum. He shot me a quick wink and addressed his audience.
    “Go ahead, cry on his shoulder like you do with everyone else. Poor, poor wittle trust fund baby, too much money, not enough sense.” His voice went high-pitched and girly. “Oh, boo hoo, no one understands me, no one loves me. My life isn’t perfect. Boo hoo hoo. Well, it’s time you grew up, little girl. Happiness isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. Some of us actually have to work for a living, work to get the things we want.”
    “Mr. Phillips, please, restrain yourself. Maggie, tell us how you feel right now.”
    Rip roaring pissed. But even if Candie was angry, she was also afraid. Who wouldn’t be, when confronted by such a domineering tyrant? “I guess, I feel awful. Everything he said is true, and I hate that he sees me this way.”
    Dr. Bob leaned back in his chair. “What can we do, do you think to change this?”
    I mulled it over. “Well, I guess I could—”
    “Here’s a thought; how about you quit whining and be grateful I put up with your shit.”
    “Mr. Phillips, that’s enough!” Dr Bob’s face was mottled red from the part of his comb-over to the neckline on his sweater vest. “Can’t you see your tactless words hurt your wife’s feelings?”
    Neil shrugged and my eyes narrowed. I loved him, but in that instant, I wanted to hurt him. No, to annihilate him.
    As if he read my mind, Neil relaxed and lost the asshole coating. “I’m sorry, Uncle Scrooge. You know I couldn’t do what I do without you, right?”
    I smiled. “I see you, even when you are being a total prick.”
    Dr. Bob was lost. It was comical the way his head whipped back and forth between the two of us, trying to put his finger on what he’d missed.
    “It’s been a rough week.” I told Dr. Bob. “Neil and I really aren’t feeling like ourselves.”
    “Are you mixing medications, Neil?” Dr. Bob stared at my husband.
    “Stress is all. Maggie is currently under investigation by the FBI. One of her clients was kidnapped, then a former cleaning partner showed up dead.”
    “Don’t forget the arson. Oh. and the bribery / extortion thing.”
    Dr. Bob swallowed. “I see. And, uh, how does this make you feel, Maggie.”
    They say there are no stupid questions but that one came pretty damn far into moron territory. “Shitty, thanks for asking.”
    “Ah,” Dr. Bob glanced at his wall clock. “I seem to have forgotten about another engagement, if you both will excuse me….?” His eyes begged the crazy people to vamoose and never return.
    “Thank you for seeing us, I really feel like we’ve made a breakthrough here.” Neil extended his hand. Dr. Bob backed into the door, fumbling for the knob.
    “Really, no trouble at all.” He managed to open the door and we wasted no time departing. I contained my hysteria until we reached the car.
    “Now that was fun with a capital FU.”
    “You know he’s watching us through the office window.”
    I turned and caught the blinds snapping closed on the second story. “You think he’s phoning the police. Or a psych ward.”
    “No, but I doubt he’ll ever return our calls again.”
    Mock sniffling, I flicked a pretend tear away from my eye. “Hold me Neil; I don’t think I have the strength to go on.”
    Neil chuckled and opened the car door, ushering me to sit. “So what did we learn, class?”
    Waiting until he’d buckled his seat belt I ran over everything in my head. “Markus is a domineering ass. Not that I’m surprised but having that kind of condescension bearing down on me was truly awful. Humiliating even.”
    Neil squeezed my hand in silent apology. “So, if you were really Candy…?”
    “I’d