The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Michael and I would go to the games sometimes even though neither of us were popular enough to go. It was just a place to go on Fridays when we didn’t want to watch television. Sometimes, we would see Susan there, and she and Michael would hold hands.
    But this time, I went alone because Michael is gone, and Susan hangs around different boys now, and Bridget is still crazy, and Carl’s mom sent him to a Catholic school, and Dave with the awkward glasses moved away. I was just kind of watching people, seeing who was in love and who was just hanging around, and I saw that kid I told you about. Remember Nothing? Nothing was there at the football game, and he was one of the few people who was not an adult that was actually watching the game. I mean really watching the game. He would yell things out.
    “C’mon, Brad!” That’s the name of our quarterback.
    Now, normally I am very shy, but Nothing seemed like the kind of guy you could just walk up to at a football game even though you were three years younger and not popular.
    “Hey, you’re in my shop class!” He’s a very friendly person.
    “I’m Charlie.” I said, not too shy.
    “And I’m Patrick. And this is Sam.” He pointed to a very pretty girl next to him. And she waved to me.
    “Hey, Charlie.” Sam had a very nice smile.
    They both told me to have a seat, and they both seemed to mean it, so I took a seat. I listened to Nothing yell at the field. And I listened to his play-by-play analysis. And I figured out that this was a kid who knew football very well. He actually knew football as well as my brother. Maybe I should call Nothing “Patrick” from now on since that is how he introduced himself, and that is what Sam calls him.
    Incidentally, Sam has brown hair and very very pretty green eyes. The kind of green that doesn’t make a big deal about itself. I would have told you that sooner, but under the stadium lights, everything looked kind of washed out. It wasn’t until we went to the Big Boy, and Sam and Patrick started to chain-smoke that I got a good look at her. The nice thing about the Big Boy was the fact that Patrick and Sam didn’t just throw around inside jokes and make me struggle to keep up. Not at all. They asked me questions.
    “How old are you, Charlie?”
    “Fifteen.”
    “What do you want to do when you grow up?”
    “I don’t know just yet.”
    “What’s your favorite band?”
    “I think maybe the Smiths because I love their song ‘Asleep,’ but I’m really not sure one way or the other because I don’t know any other songs by them too well.”
    “What’s your favorite movie?”
    “I don’t know really. They’re all the same to me.”
    “How about your favorite book?”
    “This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald.”
    “Why?”
    “Because it was the last one I read.”
    This made them laugh because they knew I meant it honest, not show-off. Then they told me their favorites, and we sat quiet. I ate the pumpkin pie because the lady said it was in season, and Patrick and Sam smoked more cigarettes.
    I looked at them, and they looked really happy together. A good kind of happy. And even though I thought Sam was very pretty and nice, and she was the first girl I ever wanted to ask on a date someday when I can drive, I did not mind that she had a boyfriend, especially if he was a good guy like Patrick.
    “How long have you been ‘going out’?” I asked.
    Then, they started laughing. Really laughing hard.
    “What’s so funny?” I said.
    “We’re brother and sister,” Patrick said, still laughing.
    “But you don’t look alike,” I said.
    That’s when Sam explained that they were actually stepsister and stepbrother since Patrick’s dad married Sam’s mom. I was very happy to know that because I would really like to ask Sam on a date someday. I really would. She is so nice.
    I feel ashamed, though, because that night, I had a weird dream. I was with Sam. And we were both naked. And her legs were spread over the sides of the couch. And I woke up. And I had never felt that good in my life. But I also felt bad because I saw her naked without her permission. I think that I should tell Sam about this, and I really hope it does not prevent us from maybe making up inside jokes of our own. It would be very nice to have a friend again. I would like that even more than a date.
    Love always,
Charlie         
    October 14, 1991
    Dear friend,
    Do you know what “masturbation” is? I think you