The Perks of Being a Wallflower

probably do because you are older than me. But just in case, I will tell you. Masturbation is when you rub your genitals until you have an orgasm. Wow!
    I thought that in those movies and television shows when they talk about having a coffee break that they should have a masturbation break. But then again, I think this would decrease productivity.
    I’m only being cute here. I don’t really mean it. I just wanted to make you smile. I meant the “wow” though.
    I told Sam that I dreamt that she and I were naked on the sofa, and I started crying because I felt bad, and do you know what she did? She laughed. Not a mean laugh, either. A really nice, warm laugh. She said that she thought I was being cute. And she said it was okay that I had a dream about her. And I stopped crying. Sam then asked me if I thought she was pretty, and I told her I thought she was “lovely.” Sam then looked me right in the eye.
    “You know you’re too young for me, Charlie? You do know that?”
    “Yes, I do.”
    “I don’t want you to waste your time thinking about me that way.”
    “I won’t. It was just a dream.”
    Sam then gave me a hug, and it was strange because my family doesn’t hug a lot except my Aunt Helen. But after a few moments, I could smell Sam’s perfume, and I could feel her body against me. And I stepped back.
    “Sam, I’m thinking about you that way.”
    She just looked at me and shook her head. Then, she put her arm around my shoulder and walked me down the hallway. We met Patrick outside because they didn’t like to go to class sometimes. They preferred to smoke.
    “Charlie has a Charlie-esque crush on me, Patrick.”
    “He does, huh?”
    “I’m trying not to,” I offered, which just made them laugh.
    Patrick then asked Sam to leave, which she did, and he explained some things to me, so I would know how to be around other girls and not waste my time thinking about Sam that way.
    “Charlie, has anyone told you how it works?”
    “I don’t think so.”
    “Well, there are rules you follow here not because you want to, but because you have to. You get it?”
    “I guess so.”
    “Okay. You take girls, for example. They’re copying their moms and magazines and everything to know how to act around guys.”
    I thought about the moms and the magazines and the everythings, and the thought made me nervous, especially if it includes TV.
    “I mean it’s not like in the movies where girls like assholes or anything like that. It’s not that easy. They just like somebody that can give them a purpose.”
    “A purpose?”
    “Right. You know? Girls like guys to be a challenge. It gives them some mold to fit in how they act. Like a mom. What would a mom do if she couldn’t fuss over you and make you clean your room? And what would you do without her fussing and making you do it? Everyone needs a mom. And a mom knows this. And it gives her a sense of purpose. You get it?”
    “Yeah,” I said even though I didn’t. But I got it enough to say “Yeah” and not be lying, though.
    “The thing is some girls think they can actually change guys. And what’s funny is that if they actually did change them, they’d get bored. They’d have no challenge left. You just have to give girls some time to think of a new way of doing things, that’s all. Some of them will figure it out here. Some later. Some never. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”
    But I guess I did worry about it. I’ve been worrying about it ever since he told me. I look at people holding hands in the hallways, and I try to think about how it all works. At the school dances, I sit in the background, and I tap my toe, and I wonder how many couples will dance to “their song.” In the hallways, I see the girls wearing the guys’ jackets, and I think about the idea of property. And I wonder if anyone is really happy. I hope they are. I really hope they are.
    Bill looked at me looking at people, and after class, he asked me what I was thinking about, and I told him. He listened, and he nodded and made “affirmation” sounds. When I had finished, his face changed into a “serious talk” face.
    “Do you always think this much, Charlie?”
    “Is that bad?” I just wanted someone to tell me the truth.
    “Not necessarily. It’s just that sometimes people use thought to not participate in life.”
    “Is that bad?”
    “Yes.”
    “I think I participate, though. Don’t you think I am?”
    “Well, are you dancing at these