The Reunion

prickle of heat at the base of her neck, Jen and Lilah looking at her intently, quizzically, a slow grin spreading over Lilah’s face.
    ‘Oh, so that’s it!’ Lilah said, giggling. ‘That’s how you do it. You get two boyfriends, that way when one of them pisses you off, you just bring the other one off the bench. Bring them off? Pull them off?’
    ‘Jen, Dan and Conor, sitting in a tree…’ Natalie sang happily.
    They had been joking. Everyone was pissed. So why was she sitting in the back of a taxi, fuming? Why had she had a complete sense of humour failure, stomped out of the bar in a huff? She could feel herself blushing just thinking about it, she’d been ridiculous, and they would be wondering why she’d been ridiculous. Something about their teasing just stung, and in the back of her mind there was a reason. She wouldn’t let it come to the fore, so she left it there, to prick and to fester.
    The flat was in darkness when she got home save for the blue flicker of the television. Dan was on the sofa, an ashtray at his side, a beer bottle at his feet.
    ‘You’re back early,’ he said, his voice low. ‘Good night?’
    ‘All right,’ she said. She could feel her anger slipping away; she was relieved to be home. ‘Where’s Con?’
    ‘He’s in bed,’ Dan said, ‘party animal that he is.’
    ‘Right. Well.’ She hovered in the doorway for a moment. ‘What are you watching?’
    ‘Nothing, really. Flicking around.’
    ‘OK.’
    He looked up at her and smiled. ‘You look nice.’ He patted the sofa next to him and shifted up a little. ‘Join me? There’s another beer in the fridge.’
    She shook her head, kicking off her high heels. ‘I think I’ve had enough.’ Still she stood in the doorway, just looking at him.
    ‘You all right?’
    ‘I’m going to bed,’ she said, ‘’night.’
    ‘’Night, Jen.’
    Conor was asleep, his body spread out over the bed, arms flung wide. The curtains were still open, light from the street lamps bathing the room in an orange glow. She pulled the drapes shut and undressed as quietly as she could, slipping beneath cold sheets until she was close enough to him to feel his heat. He stirred, reached one arm around her body, murmured something quietly, she couldn’t make out what he’d said. She was wide awake. She could hear the faint sounds of the television below and thought for a moment about getting up again, going downstairs and sitting on the sofa with Dan. She knew that it wouldn’t be long before he said something to make her laugh, made her feel better. She closed her eyes and listened to Conor’s breathing, slow and rhythmic. She could feel his heart beat against her back. She thought about how good her life was, how lucky she was, and how it made no sense at all for her to feel so sad.

Chapter Thirty-one

    March 1996
    THE PLANE PITCHED sharply to the left and Conor felt his stomach lurch. His hands gripping the arm rests, he kept his head down, listening for changes in the tone of engine noise. He glanced to his left; the middle-aged woman sitting at his side was smiling at him reassuringly. He wasn’t afraid of flying. He’d never been afraid of flying. Now he was filled with dread.
    ‘It’s just a little turbulence,’ the woman said to him, and he nodded and smiled and felt like a fool.
    He was a fool. He should never have walked out like that. He could still picture her, sitting up in bed, holding her hand out to him, knowing that even if he was angry, even if they had had a horrible argument, he wouldn’t just walk out without saying a proper goodbye, without a kiss. He could see the expression on her face change, the moment he turned to go, when she realised that he was leaving, just like that. He could picture the hurt, and he felt wretched.
    If this plane fell into the freezing Irish Sea, he’d never have the chance to tell her he was sorry.
    It had all started over a takeaway. He’d been packing for his trip to Ireland, a week-long trip this time, not just a weekend, to help with the renovations on his brother’s house. He’d been going over quite a bit lately and he knew that Jen wasn’t happy about it, particularly since Dan had moved out. She was feeling a little lonely in the flat on her own. Everyone was so busy these days, they didn’t see each other so often.
    They had been planning to go out for dinner, but he was just dog-tired, he’d been working long hours all week, so he suggested a takeaway instead.