The Science of Discworld II

glass from the direction of the projector, and some very small cursing.
    â€˜I just thought you wanted to do it properly,’ murmured Rincewind. ‘Anyway, this is going to be about L-space, isn’t it? I know it is. You know it is.’
    â€˜Yes, but I don’t say that yet! I’ve got another dozen slides to come!’ gasped Ponder. ‘And a flow chart!’
    â€˜But it is, isn’t it,’ said Rincewind wearily. ‘I mean, they say they’ve found other wizards. That means libraries. That means you can get there through L-space.’
    â€˜I was going to say that’s how we can get there,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜Yes, I know,’ said Rincewind. ‘That’s why I thought I’d take the opportunity of saying “you” at this early juncture.’
    â€˜How can there be wizards on Roundworld?’ said Ponder. ‘When we know magic doesn’t work there?’
    â€˜Search me,’ said Rincewind. ‘Ridcully did say they’re useless.’
    â€˜And why can’t the faculty come back by themselves? They were able to send the bottle! That must have used magic, surely?’
    â€˜Why not just go and ask them?’ said Rincewind.
    â€˜You mean by homing in on the distinctive biothaumic signature of a group of wizards?’
    â€˜Well, I was thinking of waiting until something dreadful happened and you going to have a look in the wreckage,’ said Rincewind. ‘But the other stuff would probably work.’
    â€˜The omniscope locates them in approximately the 40,002,730,907 th century,’ said Ponder, staring at the globe. ‘I can’t get an image. But if we can find a way to the nearest library—’
    â€˜Ook!’ said the Librarian. And then he ooked some more. He ooked at length, with an occasional eek. Once he thumped his fist on the table. He didn’t need to thump the table a second time. There wasn’t, at that point, much in the way of table left to thump.
    â€˜He says only very senior librarians can use L-space,’ said Rincewind, as the Librarian folded his arms. ‘He was quite emphatic. He says it’s not to be treated like some kind of magic funfair ride.’
    â€˜But it’s an order from the Archchancellor!’ said Ponder. ‘There isn’t any other way to get there!’
    The Librarian looked a little uncertain at that. Rincewind knew why. It was hard to be an orangutan in Unseen University, and the only way the Librarian had been able to deal with it was by acknowledging Mustrum Ridcully as the alpha male, even though the Archchancellor seldom climbed up to a high place on the rooftops and called mournfully over the city at dawn. This meant that, unlike the other wizards, he found it very hard to shrug off an archchancelloric command. It was a direct, fang-revealing, chest-beating challenge.
    Rincewind had an idea.
    â€˜If we put the globe in the Library,’ he said to the ape, ‘then that would mean that even though you are travelling in L-space you would not be taking Mr Stibbons anywhere outside the Library. I mean, the globe would be inside the library, so even though you’d wind up in the globe, you really wouldn’t have travelled very far at all. A few feet, maybe. The globe’s only infinite on the inside, after all.’
    â€˜Well, Rincewind, I am impressed ,’ said Ponder, while the Librarian looked perplexed. ‘I’d always thought of you as rather stupid, but that was a remarkable piece of verbal reasoning. If we put the globe down right on the Librarian’s desk, say, then the whole journey would take place inside the library, right?’
    â€˜Exactly,’ said Rincewind, who was prepared to overlook ‘ratherstupid’ in view of this unexpected praise.
    â€˜And it’s perfectly safe in the library, after all …’
    â€˜Big thick walls. Very safe place,’ Rincewind agreed.
    â€˜So, put like that, no harm will come to us,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜There you go with the “us” again,’ said Rincewind, backing away.
    â€˜We’ll find them and bring them back!’ said Ponder. ‘How hard can it be?’
    â€˜It can be incredibly hard! There’s elves there! You know elves! They are dangerous! Drop your guard for a moment and they can control your mind!’
    â€˜They chased me through some woods once,’ said Ponder. ‘They are very